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Struggling, advice needed

tish5892

Need support - long read

I'm 25 and autistic. I was diagnosed at 19, and I think as I'm getting older, I'm finding things harder. I have had lots of back and forth with the doctors the past year about why I am so anxious, angry and having very negative thoughts and feelings. 

I do have anxiety and depression, but the doctor has even said things to me like bipolar disorder and BDP, and if that is what's wrong, I just want help, however, every time I get so far into a service, they tell me 'im just autistic' or 'its just anxiety' and I'm at the wrong place. The thing is, if it is 'just' autism, I'm still really struggling. 

I had 3 panic attacks/overwhelmed moments yesterday. I cannot have a conversation with another adult, I cannot talk to people I don't know. I struggle to speak up for myself, I struggle to understand what others need and I take my anger and sadness out on those who care about me.

I just feel like I've hit my capacity of understanding, but unfortunately, the world doesn't stop with me. People see a 25 year old woman, not a 12 year old girl, which is sometimes how I feel. Sorry if that sounds strange, but that's the best way I can explain it; emotionally, socially and mentally, I feel over 10 years younger than what I actually am. 

Yet I'm here able to explain it because in moments of clarity and with the way the world is, I can't take a long to feel that way, society, family, work and friends don't make that possible.

I really need some support. I'm UK based and need a therapist or autism specialist to talk to, preferably through the NHS as I don't earn a lot. If anyone can offer any advice, I'd appreciate it. 

Parents

  • I also found the transition into adulthood extremely difficult. I was struggling to relate to my friends/peers, which made me feel isolated and I became more withdrawn as a result. I was virtually a recluse for a number of years. Unfortunately anxiety and depression are a comorbidity for many of us on the spectrum.

    The struggling to speak up for myself part hits home. I feel like I don't get the chance to voice my needs and if I do, they're dismissed and it results in resentment and anger building until I finally explode then it's me that's the bad guy. I often ponder if certain perceived behaviours are a result of my autism, or if it's just a personal flaw in general.  

    On the exterior, I was a grown man, but internally I still felt like a teenager. So many people I knew hit life milestones long before I ever did, which used to be a great source of pain and sadness for me. Over time I've embraced the "run your own race" mentality. I may not have hit those general life milestones as a lot of people my age did, but there's things I've achieved that they haven't. Many people don't follow that linear path in life and that's absolutely fine. It's a social construct and we aren't obligated to abide by it.

    You aren't alone in this. There's times when it does get to me, but I am more at peace with it and a huge part of that was finding common ground with people that are going through similar experiences.

    Feel free to reach out any time. I wish you the best.  

Reply

  • I also found the transition into adulthood extremely difficult. I was struggling to relate to my friends/peers, which made me feel isolated and I became more withdrawn as a result. I was virtually a recluse for a number of years. Unfortunately anxiety and depression are a comorbidity for many of us on the spectrum.

    The struggling to speak up for myself part hits home. I feel like I don't get the chance to voice my needs and if I do, they're dismissed and it results in resentment and anger building until I finally explode then it's me that's the bad guy. I often ponder if certain perceived behaviours are a result of my autism, or if it's just a personal flaw in general.  

    On the exterior, I was a grown man, but internally I still felt like a teenager. So many people I knew hit life milestones long before I ever did, which used to be a great source of pain and sadness for me. Over time I've embraced the "run your own race" mentality. I may not have hit those general life milestones as a lot of people my age did, but there's things I've achieved that they haven't. Many people don't follow that linear path in life and that's absolutely fine. It's a social construct and we aren't obligated to abide by it.

    You aren't alone in this. There's times when it does get to me, but I am more at peace with it and a huge part of that was finding common ground with people that are going through similar experiences.

    Feel free to reach out any time. I wish you the best.  

Children
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