Struggling, advice needed

Need support - long read

I'm 25 and autistic. I was diagnosed at 19, and I think as I'm getting older, I'm finding things harder. I have had lots of back and forth with the doctors the past year about why I am so anxious, angry and having very negative thoughts and feelings. 

I do have anxiety and depression, but the doctor has even said things to me like bipolar disorder and BDP, and if that is what's wrong, I just want help, however, every time I get so far into a service, they tell me 'im just autistic' or 'its just anxiety' and I'm at the wrong place. The thing is, if it is 'just' autism, I'm still really struggling. 

I had 3 panic attacks/overwhelmed moments yesterday. I cannot have a conversation with another adult, I cannot talk to people I don't know. I struggle to speak up for myself, I struggle to understand what others need and I take my anger and sadness out on those who care about me.

I just feel like I've hit my capacity of understanding, but unfortunately, the world doesn't stop with me. People see a 25 year old woman, not a 12 year old girl, which is sometimes how I feel. Sorry if that sounds strange, but that's the best way I can explain it; emotionally, socially and mentally, I feel over 10 years younger than what I actually am. 

Yet I'm here able to explain it because in moments of clarity and with the way the world is, I can't take a long to feel that way, society, family, work and friends don't make that possible.

I really need some support. I'm UK based and need a therapist or autism specialist to talk to, preferably through the NHS as I don't earn a lot. If anyone can offer any advice, I'd appreciate it. 

  • Good afternoon from America, tish5892!

    I’m sorry I can’t help much, since I know literally nothing about services in the UK. I know the mods have a list of go-to signposts for this sort of question, so hopefully one of them stops by here and add them.

    Comorbidity with Autism and other disabilities is very common. I happen to have ASD/GAD/MDD/ADHD. It’s not easy when you have so much complexity going on in your head, so I agree that finding a specialist that understands Autism in particular would be a good idea.

    We are not allowed to give specific medical advice, and I’m pretty sure it’s frowned upon but allowed to discuss our own medications, but do you mind if I ask if you are on a medication regimen? You don’t have to list your particular medications, but I’m just wondering because one small benefit of having comorbidities is that while there isn’t a medication to treat Autism, there are proven medications for anxiety, depression, BPD, etc. Weirdly, I feel like my medication for ADHD has inadvertently helped me with a lot of my social struggles more related to Autism. So if you are not on meds yet or feel like you have the wrong dosages/medications, then talking to a psychiatrist in particular would be a great option.