Struggling, advice needed

I know that an old 'un telling you it will get better doesn't help, so I won't.  As a very newly diagnosed autistic bloke, I don't feel that my experience is particularly relevant.  But having been the 'odd-one-out' for decades, and always feeling not quite included, I do know a little of what is going on with you.  It is not compulsory for you to be the same or experience things similarly to anyone else.  Anxiety is a liar, as a good friend of mine tells people; the problem is that you have to believe that to understand the truth of it.  

What I will tell you is that there are people in your life who care about you; you may not know them yet.  So, be kind to yourself and trust that things will work out for you.  They did for me.

I also found the transition into adulthood extremely difficult. I was struggling to relate to my friends/peers, which made me feel isolated and I became more withdrawn as a result. I was virtually a recluse for a number of years. Unfortunately anxiety and depression are a comorbidity for many of us on the spectrum.

The struggling to speak up for myself part hits home. I feel like I don't get the chance to voice my needs and if I do, they're dismissed and it results in resentment and anger building until I finally explode then it's me that's the bad guy. I often ponder if certain perceived behaviours are a result of my autism, or if it's just a personal flaw in general.  

On the exterior, I was a grown man, but internally I still felt like a teenager. So many people I knew hit life milestones long before I ever did, which used to be a great source of pain and sadness for me. Over time I've embraced the "run your own race" mentality. I may not have hit those general life milestones as a lot of people my age did, but there's things I've achieved that they haven't. Many people don't follow that linear path in life and that's absolutely fine. It's a social construct and we aren't obligated to abide by it.

You aren't alone in this. There's times when it does get to me, but I am more at peace with it and a huge part of that was finding common ground with people that are going through similar experiences.

Feel free to reach out any time. I wish you the best.  

Hitish5892 and welcome.

I can see you have had some good information to look into from Zac. I just wanted to say much of what you say resonates with me and I’m much older than you are. I do have weekly therapy which helps tremendously, I realise not everyone is able to pay privately. I was able to access a set of 12 weekly coaching sessions through NAS which helped with the practical side of navigating an autism diagnosis, that was about 6 months ago, I’m not sure if its still available.

Wishing you well and take care.

Huh, this is interesting!

If you use the @ symbol to reference in a user, it will show past handles.

Lol does it still show that I’m dangergramps to the mods? That’s funny. I changed it to profdanger because while my close friends are all younger than me, here it seems like everyone is older than me. That’s not an issue, I just think that’s funny y’all can still see my original name!

Hello  tish5892

Thank you for the detailed response, putting down our thoughts and posting them takes a lot of courage.

I can understand your frustration here - at the end of the day, you are a human being with very real feelings and experiences - it  sounds difficult to experience your desperate calls for help refused - I have certainly experienced my fair share of dismissal, it really is quite shattering.

as  profdanger (dangergramps) has mentioned, while we cannot provide direct medical advice in order to ensure the safety of all involved with our forum, the NAS community is a fantastic place to share experiences and resources.

Having read through your post, I wonder if any of the following NAS resources might prove helpful?

Autism Services Directory - This lists services around the UK, some of which may include autistic centric therapies.

Samaritans | Every life lost to suicide is a tragedy | Here to listen - A free listening service.

Shout: The UK's free, confidential, 24/7 mental health text service | Shout 85258 - A free listening service.

Mental health - Our guides to Mental Health related conditions, containing links and resources to further support

Talking therapies - NHS - Talking based therapies offered through the NHS.

You have every right to be a person you can feel comfortable being, you truly deserve the best in this situation.

Thanks - Zac Mod.

Good afternoon from America, tish5892!

I’m sorry I can’t help much, since I know literally nothing about services in the UK. I know the mods have a list of go-to signposts for this sort of question, so hopefully one of them stops by here and add them.

Comorbidity with Autism and other disabilities is very common. I happen to have ASD/GAD/MDD/ADHD. It’s not easy when you have so much complexity going on in your head, so I agree that finding a specialist that understands Autism in particular would be a good idea.

We are not allowed to give specific medical advice, and I’m pretty sure it’s frowned upon but allowed to discuss our own medications, but do you mind if I ask if you are on a medication regimen? You don’t have to list your particular medications, but I’m just wondering because one small benefit of having comorbidities is that while there isn’t a medication to treat Autism, there are proven medications for anxiety, depression, BPD, etc. Weirdly, I feel like my medication for ADHD has inadvertently helped me with a lot of my social struggles more related to Autism. So if you are not on meds yet or feel like you have the wrong dosages/medications, then talking to a psychiatrist in particular would be a great option.