Need support - long read
I'm 25 and autistic. I was diagnosed at 19, and I think as I'm getting older, I'm finding things harder. I have had lots of back and forth with the doctors the past year about why I am so anxious, angry and having very negative thoughts and feelings.
I do have anxiety and depression, but the doctor has even said things to me like bipolar disorder and BDP, and if that is what's wrong, I just want help, however, every time I get so far into a service, they tell me 'im just autistic' or 'its just anxiety' and I'm at the wrong place. The thing is, if it is 'just' autism, I'm still really struggling.
I had 3 panic attacks/overwhelmed moments yesterday. I cannot have a conversation with another adult, I cannot talk to people I don't know. I struggle to speak up for myself, I struggle to understand what others need and I take my anger and sadness out on those who care about me.
I just feel like I've hit my capacity of understanding, but unfortunately, the world doesn't stop with me. People see a 25 year old woman, not a 12 year old girl, which is sometimes how I feel. Sorry if that sounds strange, but that's the best way I can explain it; emotionally, socially and mentally, I feel over 10 years younger than what I actually am.
Yet I'm here able to explain it because in moments of clarity and with the way the world is, I can't take a long to feel that way, society, family, work and friends don't make that possible.
I really need some support. I'm UK based and need a therapist or autism specialist to talk to, preferably through the NHS as I don't earn a lot. If anyone can offer any advice, I'd appreciate it.
