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The "what if" kicked in

Alien0n3arth

It's around one month to my assessment and the "what if" kicked in. I don't care much about diagnosis,  but I can't imagine myself not belonging here. This online community has done great at improving my mental health. I can't imagine how much I would cry if it turns out, this place is not for me, because I'm not autistic. 

Otherwise I need a doctor to state on a paper, why I shouldn't drive a car (pushing at work because my manager resigned)

I constantly have problems processing information and people often get annoyed or somehow worried about me reacting with delay.

I collected as much documentation as possible.  I was going to request a copy of one examination that was done 18 years ago,  they keep it up to 20 years after the examination. Then they destroy it. The problem is that I don't remember exactly what was the name of this examination,  date, I only know in which clinic and can only write the year. Tge only person, who could help me with the information is my mom, but I wouldn't trust her words because she lies and gaslight a lot. I already found examples of her twisting everything. 

I'm sorry for this rant. Maybe i dont deserve the privilege of belonging here. My little friends helped me calm down a little. 

Parents

  • this is normal pre-assessment jitters. I was exactly the same. I collected too much information - the psychologist looked at things that took me by surprise when she brought them up. After I had the diagnosis, it took a while to be free from of imposter syndrome, too. I didn't understand why others said they had it afterwards, but I understood when I ended up wondering whether the psychologist had got things wrong and I wasn't autistic, after all.

    Sometimes, the psychologist does get it wrong, which is so destructive for people when they say it isn't autism. It doesn't mean it isn't - no medic is perfect. Don't worry either way - it won't make an ounce of difference about your presence here.  people hugging

  • in reply to Alexa

    Thank you,   yes, I know that some people have after -diagnosis imposter. Some people suggest getting a second opinion,  but honestly I have no power for such things. Whatever outcome will be now- I will take it. If I can stay here regardless of the outcome, then it would be much easier. I know, that nobody would kick me out, but knowing, that I occupy space for autistic people while not being on the spectrum would not let me stay here. 

    The difference between this forum and other places is that elsewhere (space for non autistic people), people don't understand me, ignore me or call schizophrenic or just insane, when I share a theory or my little world. While schizophrenia is a serious illness, they use it as an offense. It never happened here. I may not find anyone who has the exact same special intrest as me, but I feel understood and that's important. Thank you.

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  • in reply to Alexa

    Thank you,   yes, I know that some people have after -diagnosis imposter. Some people suggest getting a second opinion,  but honestly I have no power for such things. Whatever outcome will be now- I will take it. If I can stay here regardless of the outcome, then it would be much easier. I know, that nobody would kick me out, but knowing, that I occupy space for autistic people while not being on the spectrum would not let me stay here. 

    The difference between this forum and other places is that elsewhere (space for non autistic people), people don't understand me, ignore me or call schizophrenic or just insane, when I share a theory or my little world. While schizophrenia is a serious illness, they use it as an offense. It never happened here. I may not find anyone who has the exact same special intrest as me, but I feel understood and that's important. Thank you.

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