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The "what if" kicked in

Alien0n3arth

It's around one month to my assessment and the "what if" kicked in. I don't care much about diagnosis,  but I can't imagine myself not belonging here. This online community has done great at improving my mental health. I can't imagine how much I would cry if it turns out, this place is not for me, because I'm not autistic. 

Otherwise I need a doctor to state on a paper, why I shouldn't drive a car (pushing at work because my manager resigned)

I constantly have problems processing information and people often get annoyed or somehow worried about me reacting with delay.

I collected as much documentation as possible.  I was going to request a copy of one examination that was done 18 years ago,  they keep it up to 20 years after the examination. Then they destroy it. The problem is that I don't remember exactly what was the name of this examination,  date, I only know in which clinic and can only write the year. Tge only person, who could help me with the information is my mom, but I wouldn't trust her words because she lies and gaslight a lot. I already found examples of her twisting everything. 

I'm sorry for this rant. Maybe i dont deserve the privilege of belonging here. My little friends helped me calm down a little. 

Parents

  • Assessments can cause so much anxiety, the 'What if's are really hard. I think though you've done the right thing by writing about it and taking some time to do something you enjoy, with taking photos of your dolls with your paintings. They are really lovely and bring your friends to life. I can imagine the second last one especially, they really look like they are walking along talking about something big and important, like one of your theories. It is difficult not to worry at all, but doing things to keep calm is a good idea, you seem to have done lots of good prep work.

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  • Assessments can cause so much anxiety, the 'What if's are really hard. I think though you've done the right thing by writing about it and taking some time to do something you enjoy, with taking photos of your dolls with your paintings. They are really lovely and bring your friends to life. I can imagine the second last one especially, they really look like they are walking along talking about something big and important, like one of your theories. It is difficult not to worry at all, but doing things to keep calm is a good idea, you seem to have done lots of good prep work.

Children
  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Thank you,   yes, my friends give me joy and relax. They don't make noise or chaos, that's the most beautiful thing. I think I could also show the psychologist my profile on here. I do have collected documentation. From the emails I exchanged with them (prefers mx) I understand that she is fully aware of issues with dismissive and manipulative parents and is fine with me not having informant. I collected as much records as I could but medical records from my early - pre school age are missing, because my mom threw them out. Here I have only emails from other family member about me how I was when I was little. I don't talk to that person anymore.