There are certain words and topics that make my heart sink as soon as someone mentions them, followd by the sinking heart, are anxiety and depression, unless I can distract myself pretty quickly.
One of those words is ACHIEVEMENT, never having had a sense of it and not understanding what it feels like, I know I'm missing out on something most people find important. I don't get the dopamine hit that others do, instead I feel anxiety that someone will come and take it away, or that I've gotten away with it or otherwise flown under the radar.
Along with achievement are GOALS AND AMIBITIONS, I don't have any and never had, I don't know how to have them. They were never part of the world I grew up in, a goal was something that happened in football and I don't think amibitions were allowed, othere than to get married and have children.
WEDDINGS Is another, really get my social phobia going, its like entering a different culture where everyone knows the rules, except me and everybody expects that I should know them.
