Being autistic often feels rough in that I understand human psychology but it is all so complex. Like, people have different defense mechanisms and sometimes they make zero sense but it is about accepting that they cope that way. It is also like a combination of needing to have boundaries and not letting people walk all over you while also recognising people behave in confusing ways and their intentions are not always clear. i have been victimised on multiple occasions and largely, i did not even see what was happening initially. like giving someone the benefit of the doubt shouldn't lead to me being harmed. i want to stay safe in the future while also recognising varying intentions. sometimes the whole world feels unsafe and like there's this barrier. i overflow with details and people just switch off. i get bothered about small things and get stuck and need to talk about it over and over till i get "unstuck". when something or someone becomes important to me, i can have a mental health crisis if something goes wrong related to it. i tend to take people's word for it. i over analyse constantly trying to map out why something is happening. i often need to feel understood and reach out for clarity.
