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I find it really hard how my communication style differs from others

NAS84324

I find that when engaging with people, I am quite direct and genuine and like to communicate upfront. Most people are not like this- people seem to be primed to avoid conflict which means silences, ambiguous hints etc. I never know if I am doing the correct thing because I am just saying things as it is and hoping the other person says it as it is. I am tired of constantly guessing what others think.

I don't use AI much, just to ask AI what others think by inputting different situations. I find it very hard when I can't work out what someone thinks.

I also worry I extend too much grace where I tend to offer empathy alongside distress. I get very dysregulated and panic but when calm I can show a balanced perspective.

I tend to communicate with a lot of text so people see it and think damn. It is just my thing to communicate with walls of text and I feel like I am always trying to limit myself. It hurts and is confusing I don't know.

Parents
  • Hi  
    I just wanted to reply to your post because your description of how you communicate is as I understand it incredibly normal for many autistic people, including myself.
    Everything you mentioned—valuing direct honesty over hidden hints, the exhaustion of constantly guessing what people mean, feeling hyper-empathy to the point of panic, and naturally writing in "walls of text" to be precise—is standard autistic communication.
    I don't think that you are doing anything wrong. You are just speaking a different social language than the people around you. I hope knowing that you aren't alone in this brings you some comfort.
  • in reply to Phased

    Thank you. I feel so lonely though with how people go silent or ambiguous to avoid conflict. I am better at seeing things from others' perspectives though and why they might have done that, it is just that I would not have done that which is why I find it so difficult.

    And yes when I write a lot of text to clarify, people don't read it and it is like I have to summarise and I feel like nobody sees me for me.

    I feel like I am pretty good at analysing every angle of different situations which others don't do. I feel like stuff is always so much more important to me. I always feel things at x1000. 

    Thanks though.

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  • in reply to Phased

    Thank you. I feel so lonely though with how people go silent or ambiguous to avoid conflict. I am better at seeing things from others' perspectives though and why they might have done that, it is just that I would not have done that which is why I find it so difficult.

    And yes when I write a lot of text to clarify, people don't read it and it is like I have to summarise and I feel like nobody sees me for me.

    I feel like I am pretty good at analysing every angle of different situations which others don't do. I feel like stuff is always so much more important to me. I always feel things at x1000. 

    Thanks though.

Children
  • in reply to NAS84324

    As in clues for how I responded to it and interpreted it  

    In my context i have come to appreciate that I masked for so many years that I had masked myself form myself.  Trying to satisfy what it was the other person wanted me to be/act/behave rather than empathising how I wanted to be/act/behave - since a lot of social activity involved a whole lot of effort I found eventually that when I was engaging in it is was metaphorically "running on empty" and truth be known probably didn't really want to be there because I was struggling "being there".

    So eventually I've kind off got in touch with my "baseline energy levels" and engage in social activity that respects those - as i am more able to "be there" the social activity seems to me to be less damaging and (touch wood) I make a few less mistakes of the sort that can lead to all sorts of ramifications and loss of energy.

    Eventually this kind of evolved into increasing social happiness for me.

    That's how I figured solving the puzzle went for me.

  • in reply to Phased

    As in like clues for how people might have interpreted it and responded to it, that makes sense I guess

  • in reply to NAS84324

    I read what you wrote  

    I think I get what you mean about looking for another person's perspective - maybe doing that first before considering mine.  So I tend to look back over the things I have said written in the past to look for clues about me in the same way that i look for clues in other people.  I'm learning that maybe the trick to making the puzzle easier to solve is to learn not to feel guilty about being me in the past. i hope that makes sense.

    I think that autistic people are generally pretty good at solving puzzles - can take a while but nonetheless good at it.

    Best Wishes