I can't grow out of it

Yeah, I can’t manage change very well. I’m a very predictable and structured person. 

Finding change difficult to cope with is perfectly normal for us. Our systemizing minds require rules, clarity and predictability. Imposed change violates our needs, so it is natural to be distressed and want to seek comfort. You are right to seek comfort where you can.

But you also need to know that you will survive the change. I am 75 years old and have survived many changes imposed upon me. You will too. Have courage.

Yes it's about feeling safe in predictable environment 

In my later working days (retired now) Tony Blair's government decided to privatise (or at least semi-privatise) the industry I was working in which was at the London Air traffic Control Centre, situated just outside London Airport. 

I only worked in the stores and they brought in managers, as is usual when they're intending to make economies, so they appointed a general manager who was looking to make changes, probably more for the optics rather than real efficiencies, and my section was one of the "soft" targets since we didn't have the clout of, for example, air traffic controller or engineers.

So, anyway, he had a look at the stores and decided it would be a good idea to have a separate receipts and despatch area, as everything was handled in the main stores area and always had been for decades, a place I had worked in for years and become very used to without any major issues. Problem is the only area that was nearer to the loading bay area was actually a kind of dreary basement surrounded by all sorts of noises from various machinery. It had been used up to that point as a bulk storage area that accommodated large items that were too big to keep in the main stores or items that were rarely issued over the counter. 

So, they asked for volunteers from the store's staff to work in there, two people being enough, and I was quite keen to try it out, and to be perfectly honest, there was a particularly obnoxious colleague I wanted to get away from, so I jumped at the chance.

Well, pretty much as soon as I started working in there, I became very aware of all the irritating noises that surrounded the area and felt quite trapped and became very anxious and panic driven. I told myself to calm down and give it some time as I might adjust to it, but I knew I wouldn't be able to tolerate that environment day after day for a stint of what could be months or even years. 

This set up a terrible conflict in me in that while I did not want to work in that area, I also didn't want to be seen as "letting the side down", so I kept quiet for the time being.

Unfortunately, I took this worry home with me, knowing I simply could not tolerate that stress every day, so I thought of ways I could make excuses to get back into my main area. So, when I went in, I told my line manager I could not work in that kind of environment and wanted to return to the main area. They weren't very happy about it but, as I was a long serving member of staff, grudgingly allowed me to return to the main stores area.

Now, this may sound fine but the continued worry of them perhaps forcing me to go back there at some stage affected my mental health and it set-up a permanent state of high alert and vigilance in my body which resulted in a phobic reaction to noises, even in the formerly "safe" environment of the main stores area which had presented no problem but which now caused me much distress..   

So, I had to put up with this pretty much up until the day I retired, although it did quiet down shortly before they moved to another location and the place was going to be demolished to make way for flats to be built and they had to turn off most of the machinery.

They even sent me to a couple of company psychiatrists, which didn't help at all because I don't think they were aware of the problems of autistic people and just thought I was "sensitive."  I got the impression that some of my co-workers thought I was making excuses not to work in that area because I wanted to avoid the work but that's far from the truth as I did that kind of work formerly in the main area. I think the attitude was if he can't stand the place then find another job, but I had a lot of years I had contributed to my pension plus the salary we got was pretty good and had been bult up over the years. I did, in fact, apply for some internal positions but once you're in the stores it's very unlikely that you're going to get a transfer.

I can honestly say it ruined my peace of mind forever and I still have problems with noises, especially hospital noises or noises that are unpredicted. 

I see, so he's not perfect but you have adjusted to him and know, more or less what, to expect It's the not knowing what's coming next that upsets you so much, isn't it Alien0n3arth?

I wouldn't say it's an emotional bond, I just got used to have him there as manager. He was not perfect, actually once or twice behaved like an a**hole. I'm just anxious about the future. What is good about him is that he is calm and quite flexible when it comes to schedule and appointments etc. But he also leaves a mess after himself, snd trail of unfinished tasks that I finish after him. So there is chance, we may have someone better but there is risk it could be worse.

Yes, not everyone has a manager they like and get on with so it's understandable you feel so upset about him leaving. It sounds like you formed an emotional bond and that's not always easy to replace. Still, let's home your next manager will ok - it takes time to get used to new people.

Lego used to distress me when I was younger but I find the fact that you can only get Francis's sets and sleixal sets like technics and it's all so expensive puts me off now and I'm more likely to buy from another building brick brand 

Although I don't have space for Lego what with building models and having to store models scenary sprues plastic cement sprue goo pains brush and other tools 

Thank you, yes I also concentrate on something that is  always here. I also started creating possible scenarios of what can happen in the nearest future. Kind of to prepare myself for the upcoming events.

I find unpredictability really difficult too. I know it is difficult but you do adjust in the end even though it is scary. It helps me to focus on something stable like I have a build a bear I love and I just lie in bed with it and decompress.

Thank you both, Expecto_Patronum  and Orangegnome  i often feel that the world is crazy and ask myself when it finally stops changing. I dont have any personal bond with my manager, im just used to see him, he is quite calm so now im anxious about whole series of changes that gonna affect us. It feels wrong and terryfying.

Thank you for the understanding. I unpacked the lego set, maybe later i take some pictures of it. There are 2 girls, car and motorbike. I already had a little fun.

I really find change difficult. There are some changes at my work place and I cannot understand how they are going to make things better in any way. Recently when the team were talking about the new changes in a teams meeting I just burst into tears and then it’s like that for me for the rest of the day. So I get how you feel. Keep that Lego set in your mind… it’s soon evening time. 

I have had a similar experience to this. It's really hard when something like this changes, particularly when it's a person I think. Lego sounds like a good idea and plenty of rest. Hope you are feeling better soon and you get the information you need to manage the change.