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Feeling shame about being childish

Cody

Hi everyone, I wanna start by saying this isn’t something everyone will be able to relate to (and that’s okay!) I just need to get this out there.

im an 18 year old guy and im very childish in a lot of ways and seen as immature by others sometimes. It’s something that I'm very hyper aware of and uncomfortable with, I feel a lot of shame and embarrassment about this. 

For a bit of context, I didn’t have a great childhood and I was told a lot that I was “mature”, my childhood felt very rushed and I don’t feel like I got a proper chance to be a kid. This has now lead to me almost reverting backwards in a way. 

My entire room is full of teddies, random gadgets, figures and I love cartoons so I always have something like that on. I really love my bedroom and it’s my safe space so I really hate the fact I feel this internal shame about my interests and the things I enjoy. I have one specific Frankenstein teddy that I can’t sleep without and I hold it every single night before I sleep, this is the main source of embarrassment. 

I’ve had issues with my sleep since I was very young and this is only of the only things I’ve found that has been able to make me feel actually relaxed and comforted at night. It just feels really humiliating sometimes, a few of my close friends know about this and they’ve been in my bedroom before (majority of my friends are also autistic and similar to me so I feel comfortable with them knowing, and they’re all very chill) 

But I just worry about the future sometimes and what I’m gonna do if I get in a relationship (not planning on it at all currently lol) but I do really just worry what that person might think of me and I’d never wanna make anyone feel uncomfortable or weird because of this. And I don’t want to live my life worrying about making other people uncomfortable, especially with something so random like this. 

I’m a very out there person in a lot of ways so I’m very used of people batting an eyelid at me, i usually live by the quote “you can’t please everyone”. It’s just this one specific thing that’s really bothering me at the minute and if anyone has any advice on how to deal with something like this/ feel less bad about it, then please let me know :/ 

Parents

  • Hi, I'm 38 married woman. My bag and closet and full of dolls and lego blocks. I also shared here my collection. My husband knows, that I have some dolls, but doesn't know, how many. He doesn't know about lego. I also feel some shame sometimes,  but I'm also happy about my husband accepting the fact that I have dolls. They are my safe space and my friends. I have no human friends, only one friend for 20 years but we hardly see each other, because living far away. Also talking rarely. My husband was very much interested with my experiments with magnets, kind of rolled his eyes when he saw the dolls, but said ok, it's yours. I think, that having a little secret, that does not hurt anyone is nothing bad. And i find saying that "you can't please everyone" a good thing. Sometimes I feel shame fir spending money on these things. But I always make sure to buy, when I have money secured for basic needs and I tell myself: if people don't see anything bad in buying cigarettes,  alcohol, or a lot of clothes and shoes, spens money on parties and travelling, then why should I stop myself from buying a doll or a lego set?

Reply

  • Hi, I'm 38 married woman. My bag and closet and full of dolls and lego blocks. I also shared here my collection. My husband knows, that I have some dolls, but doesn't know, how many. He doesn't know about lego. I also feel some shame sometimes,  but I'm also happy about my husband accepting the fact that I have dolls. They are my safe space and my friends. I have no human friends, only one friend for 20 years but we hardly see each other, because living far away. Also talking rarely. My husband was very much interested with my experiments with magnets, kind of rolled his eyes when he saw the dolls, but said ok, it's yours. I think, that having a little secret, that does not hurt anyone is nothing bad. And i find saying that "you can't please everyone" a good thing. Sometimes I feel shame fir spending money on these things. But I always make sure to buy, when I have money secured for basic needs and I tell myself: if people don't see anything bad in buying cigarettes,  alcohol, or a lot of clothes and shoes, spens money on parties and travelling, then why should I stop myself from buying a doll or a lego set?

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