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Creating a system that works for you

aurelis

Hi,

I wanted to ask if anyone has systems in place, and whether they always had one that helped them to navigate through life, or they made one over time? How did you cope when unexpected life events happen?

I have felt lost for a while now, generally feeling disconnected from many things, and I think a big reason is because of masking, and a lack of systems in place. I am trying to work on this, with some help, so that I can have routines in place, and I can feel more grounded and stable than I do currently. 

It's really scary facing even friends, and not knowing properly the things I like or dislike, or what direction I am going in. I've tried to pretend that I have direction and I really don't. It's definitely a mask, and I want to feel that I am living a system that actually works for me and not what I think it should according to what I think should be a system to work with.

  • I do know what I don't like and what I do, I find these are the things that often isolate me from others, almost nobody shares my interests in things like cooking or medieval history, and everybody seems to like things that I don't, BBQs, soap operas and stuff.

    I feel that even here I have to be careful of what I say in case I disagree with someone in a way they dont' like. I don't feel I fit in here, I've come to realise that I have an "acceptable autistic mask" which is what I mostly use on here.

    Unexpected life events just happen and I just cope, theres no other choice as I rarely have anyone to help me, mostly others just stand around and wait for me to organise them. If I do ask for help it's rarely there and if help is offered its often in a format I can't use.  

  • Things that help me are:

    1. Psychotherapy (for me long term support and stability, as in therapy, friend.or partner is quite essential),

    2. Some Chatbot to help retrieve information faster, or suggest resources,

    3. Citizen Advice Bureau, Home Shelter (Scotland). These both have online chats with an agent (a person).

    4. Access to CMHT (community mental health team) may help. I didn't access it yet, but it may be useful.

    5. As for friends, I find more connection here than elsewhere. I do have a few friends I email with, to avoid instant messaging but it is hard.

    ----

    I am happy to (try to) reply questions if you have any.

  • Hello aurelis.

    That is the thing - creating a system that works for ourselves is quite the process, a very personal thing. I know that for myself, it came through a lot of trial and error, and even then, I still question if it is perfect.

    While I know that our community will have fantastic feedback to give, I would like to show you our new ASH system, designed to help signpost individuals to relevant resources and pages.

    Ask ASH (Autism Support Helper)

    I wish you the best of luck aurelis, you deserve a system that works for yourself.

    Thanks - Zac Mod.