Birthday blues

I HATE birthdays, particularly my own. Oh boy, I feel a rant coming on… Sorry!

My mother ruined it. Birthdays were awesome growing up because my mother would always make it a huge ordeal and shower us with a ridiculous amount of gifts (which looking back, was not wise given we had times of financial insecurity). I later found out this wasn’t necessarily for me, but rather to stroke her own ego. SHE was the true center of the parties, because SHE organized everything. Giving us so many gifts was an excuse to impulse buy and made her feel like a successful mother. However on the other hand, I do understand that another reason for this was that she was mistreated by her parents and very likely never received much gifts or ever had a party. So… I guess there was an aspect of her wanting us to have a better childhood, too. Still, I think that was only a small part of it.

Of course when I became a teen my birthdays gradually became less of big deal for her, especially since around that time she focused all of her attention on my sister (whom she lived vicariously through). I actually didn’t really realize it; I was probably too focused on chasing girls lol.

Now the one time I wanted to organize my own birthday celebration and make a big deal of it was my golden birthday at 25 years. I mean, even if that wasn’t my golden birthday, that’s a pretty pivotal age in my opinion. I wanted to go to a Brazilian steakhouse, having just been to a legit one in Brazil. It was the first time I ever made my own plan to celebrate my birthday. My mother threw the BIGGEST fit over it. She made it very clear that she does not want to try Brazilian food and made me feel guilty for planning that. So I changed it to what she wanted. I don’t remember my 25th birthday. It wasn’t special. It sucked.

The issue wasn’t that she didn’t want Brazilian. That was an excuse. We made it clear to her that at a steakhouse you can eat pretty much anything your heart desires. The problem was that she wanted control. Honestly? It probably wouldn’t have been such a big deal since birthdays already meant very little to me, but her selfish fit that month was when I started to recognize how narcissistic she is.

So since then I completely downplay my birthday. I’ve conditioned my mother to expecting that I will be willing to have a dinner with her and dad, but beyond that I will not have any additional celebration. If I am going to do something special, it’s just going to be with my girls and wife.

So that’s the main reason I hate my own birthday, but I’ve come to hate others’ as well. My in-laws make a big deal out of birthdays (though they don’t theme them or overload on presents like my mother, so that’s good). It’s just the same boring yet overstimulating party about once per month for EVERY SINGLE EXTENDED FAMILY MEMBER. Thankfully my wife understands how much I hate milling about in a crowded room, so she every so often gives me a free pass to skip some of them. But boy, the in-laws totally judge me for skipping out and they always comment on how anti-social I am at these gatherings. Yes, they know I’m Autistic. Do they understand that? Obviously not.

Oh and don’t get ME STARTED on Facebook. God, I’m so glad to be off of that hell. My mother spends her entire birthday reading off who wishes her a happy birthday on Facebook. She actually had the AUDACITY to complain for YEARS that I quit using Facebook, and it was solely for that reason. Yes, I text her happy birthday every year, even though I see her in person, but she needed her friends online to see me wishing her a happy birthday. Absolutely sickens me.

Sorry for the rant. I just have so many feelings!

Try changing your birthday date, then sneaking out with your nice family to where and what you want. Consider your 'birth' birthday like our King's official birthday, which is more of a public celebration. This way, it might not hurt as much, ie a 'state' occasion you have to endure, rather than a private celebration. I changed my birthday to American Independence day! And I always buy myself presents - at my adopted birthday and Christmas.

Try changing your birthday date, then sneaking out with your nice family to where and what you want. Consider your 'birth' birthday like our King's official birthday, which is more of a public celebration. This way, it might not hurt as much, ie a 'state' occasion you have to endure, rather than a private celebration. I changed my birthday to American Independence day! And I always buy myself presents - at my adopted birthday and Christmas.

That is a lovely idea and I will definitely consider that. I do like my birthdate (it’s very numerically beautiful lol), but yeah, a private birthdate might be nice change. Thank you for the advice!