Birthday blues

Hey all!

How do people feel about birthdays?

I find that I get very excited in the days leading up to my birthday, even though I end up feeling disappointed every year.

I'm autistic so don't like surprises but there is always a part of me that expects some small surprise on my birthday; a delivery of some sort, a gift that someone has seen and thought of me (as opposed to asking me what I want).

I feel I always make an effort with other gifts for my family and one friend, making something or keeping an eye out during the year for something unique to them. Come to my birthday and I get asked what I want (the anxiety then creeps in, don't want to ask for something expensive, or too 'odd') and get just that.

Apart from my parents who never ask me, and I get an Amazon gift card or a bit of cash. I'm not ungrateful at all, it's more the lack of it being unique or special to me specifically.

My in laws are thoughtful with their gifts which makes me disappointed with my own parents gifts. 

Then there is apps like Moonpig. I hate them as personally, I feel if you are able (which my family are) get a card from the supermarket and handwrite it, don't get a computer to do it. I then got home yesterday to a Moonpig card.

I always make sure I get my friend's gifts ready ahead of time, knowing when we are next meeting up, even if a few weeks early, she gets her gift for her birthday. I don't get the same thoughtfulness, my gift this year will be weeks late.

I don't know, it might sound like I am very ungrateful, I just wonder is it an autistic thing to make more of an effort with others than they do for you? I remember all birthdays, even those of people from school who I haven't seen in 20 years. But every year, I end up feeling somewhat deflated. It's not really about the gifts I guess, more the effort and thought behind them.

Is it a neuro diverse thing?

Parents
  • I always found both my birthday and Christmas difficult. My mother would say to me when I showed disinterest "But you have to, it's Christmas/New Year/your birthday.  I cannot cope with the (expected) change and disturbance in routine, I generally do not know what I want for a present and am not that keen on being the centre of attention and being expected to be excited and being unable to act excited. I don't do that sort of celebratory excitement but can get more excited by a particular colour or even rolling particularly a grape around a plate. 

    Now I am much older and my partner understands that I am not really interested in birthdays, I have a casual birthday with a low key meal at home, etc.  

    I do understand your Birthday Blues. 

    Oscar

Reply
  • I always found both my birthday and Christmas difficult. My mother would say to me when I showed disinterest "But you have to, it's Christmas/New Year/your birthday.  I cannot cope with the (expected) change and disturbance in routine, I generally do not know what I want for a present and am not that keen on being the centre of attention and being expected to be excited and being unable to act excited. I don't do that sort of celebratory excitement but can get more excited by a particular colour or even rolling particularly a grape around a plate. 

    Now I am much older and my partner understands that I am not really interested in birthdays, I have a casual birthday with a low key meal at home, etc.  

    I do understand your Birthday Blues. 

    Oscar

Children
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