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Accepting being autistic…knowing the limits are there forever

aurelis

Hi,

I’m slowly coming to the realisation that no matter how hard I try, I’m never going to get out of being autistic. I wish often that I could get rid of my autism, just so I can function normally. Even if it was to trade in some of my quirky behaviour and uniqueness of me just so I know I could be an adult. It feels like there’s a chasm between me and them, and no matter how hard i try, I can never get there. Even when I’m not hurt by neurotypicals and they’re friendly, I instantly feel inferior because I feel as if they’re normal, and won’t understand my strangeness. 

I sometimes get bursts of inspiration and drive, which last a few months, which give me confidence to feel as if I can compete on the same level as everyone else, and I can show up properly. The pride is from the feeling that I feel I’ve overcome my autism and conquered it. So when I burn out after, I feel despair. It’s like I’m always thinking I’ll hit that one thing that’ll impact me really deeply and change the course of who I am, give me an identity and help me feel a strong sense of direction.

More than anything, I just want to feel like I belong, without feeling that I’m trying so hard to do so. To feel that I can honestly switch off. I wish there was a switch to turn off my autism, so I can see the world for what it is rather than living in my daydreaming…

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  • Dear aurelis,

    I am really sorry that you have been struggling with feeling of not belonging, I know from my own experience that this is a very challenging way to feel. I hope you know that you are a valuable member of this community, and you are welcome to be who you want to be here. 

    I can see you have already had some replies from our community, I hope that helps you feel a sense of belonging. I thought I would share some resources that may be helpful for you:

    • Autistic fatigue and burnout -it has some really helpful advice about what to do when you are struggling with burnout
    • Loneliness 
    • Autism Services Directory -this is a great way to find support and social groups in your area. I thought it might help you to find a space that may be available for you locally to help with belonging

    I hope some of this helps and that our community will continue to be a positive space for you. 

    Best wishes,

    Olivia Mod

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  • Dear aurelis,

    I am really sorry that you have been struggling with feeling of not belonging, I know from my own experience that this is a very challenging way to feel. I hope you know that you are a valuable member of this community, and you are welcome to be who you want to be here. 

    I can see you have already had some replies from our community, I hope that helps you feel a sense of belonging. I thought I would share some resources that may be helpful for you:

    • Autistic fatigue and burnout -it has some really helpful advice about what to do when you are struggling with burnout
    • Loneliness 
    • Autism Services Directory -this is a great way to find support and social groups in your area. I thought it might help you to find a space that may be available for you locally to help with belonging

    I hope some of this helps and that our community will continue to be a positive space for you. 

    Best wishes,

    Olivia Mod

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