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Autism- trauma

Alien0n3arth

I was going to write these two issues in two separate posts, but it clicked in my head together, that maybe they are connected. The first issue is me constantly feeling like i annoy other people,  especially at work. I don't dare asking them, because I think they would get annoyed by such a question. I'm aware of that it's in my mind, because alongside with being labelled as weirdo I'm also often praised for my work and unique attention to details and memory. But still it sticks in my mind, that im a *** and everybody hates me. I think it's a trauma after years of being bullied. And compliments from coworkers seem to not fix it. 

When it comes to being bullied by kids... tge story repeats. I'm a mother of a 4,5 y/o girl and I take her to the playground almost everyday to give her time to play with peers, I take healthy snacks - fruits peeled and cut in pieces, some biscuits sometimes,  bread roll, water and I blanket so she can make a picnic with friends. We also take toys, soap bubbles, chalk for drawing on the pavement. And she enjoys. I'm giving her childhood that I've never had, because I was an isolated weirdo without friends. I don't interfere when not necessary,  they are free to be in their own company. I use this time to write my new story about aliens. But what upsets me is that my little daughter and her friends bully me. Maybe they feel that im different,  not chatting and laughing with other mom's. I'm just sitting alone in my inner world. Recently she asked her friend to approach me and tell me that I'm a ***. He did it. Then she did it too and they both laughed. I froze and without any expression I just told them "no". Then they laughed and my daughter told her friend "good job". I'm not sure if I'm feeling anything about this situation but I'm upset with myself that it's me again being the victim of bullies. For no reason. Just sitting quietly and not disturbing anyone. So I'm trying my best to stay sane and repeat myself, that it's only in my head. And then I hear it with my own ears. I don't know how I deserve this treatment. I aldo have no idea how to react, what should I tell the kids. It's always only me being the inferior,  the victim. And I start getting afraid of kids again.

Parents

  • Sorry for your pain Alien0n3arth.

    Kids often hear bad words or terms use, and it can be scary and confusing for them. So to try and understand it, they might try use it themselves - to try it out and make it seem okay to them. Sadly, your daughter's obviously heard this word being used, either to her or at someone else, and she's trying to make the world make sense by getting her friend to say it and using it too. It's so hurtful and traumatising, especially from such little kids.

    The one thing might help is her young age. At that age it's easier to explain to them why they shouldn't say that.  I explain it in terms that are age appropriate, so not exactly what it means when they are little, but that it's a word meant to hurt someone. 

    I'll explain it makes people sad to be called that. I would then ask how it feels if someone says something that makes them feel sad. We talk about it in a general way, not about the word specifically but that it's not nice to make people feel sad. I might ask them if someone has ever said something that makes them feel sad. Then you can point out the park is meant to be for happy times, but if she says words that make people sad, then you might not be able to go any more. 

    Then It's good to spin it around and talk about words that make people happy and feel good, and then it's friendly and better for making friends. I find it helps if you have to talk to them about something serious, then finishing by discussing the better way really helps, as then they feel good about themselves that they can say good words instead, and know what they should do instead. 

    Then the next time you are going to the park, check in with her before hand, and ask if she is going to say words that make people happy or sad. Hopefully she will say happy, and then you can go and have a good time. And if she does it again, just simply say, we have to go home now. And then when you are calm and able to talk about it, you can say why you had to leave.


    Sometimes kids, even your own, can say hurtful things. They can be testing words and boundaries, but it can really be hard if it sparks up old trauma. But hopefully an open talk about it now will help for any more future incidents. If it hurts, it's okay not to talk. Wait till you are ready to deal with it later and explain why it isn't okay.

    i hope you are doing okay,

Reply

  • Sorry for your pain Alien0n3arth.

    Kids often hear bad words or terms use, and it can be scary and confusing for them. So to try and understand it, they might try use it themselves - to try it out and make it seem okay to them. Sadly, your daughter's obviously heard this word being used, either to her or at someone else, and she's trying to make the world make sense by getting her friend to say it and using it too. It's so hurtful and traumatising, especially from such little kids.

    The one thing might help is her young age. At that age it's easier to explain to them why they shouldn't say that.  I explain it in terms that are age appropriate, so not exactly what it means when they are little, but that it's a word meant to hurt someone. 

    I'll explain it makes people sad to be called that. I would then ask how it feels if someone says something that makes them feel sad. We talk about it in a general way, not about the word specifically but that it's not nice to make people feel sad. I might ask them if someone has ever said something that makes them feel sad. Then you can point out the park is meant to be for happy times, but if she says words that make people sad, then you might not be able to go any more. 

    Then It's good to spin it around and talk about words that make people happy and feel good, and then it's friendly and better for making friends. I find it helps if you have to talk to them about something serious, then finishing by discussing the better way really helps, as then they feel good about themselves that they can say good words instead, and know what they should do instead. 

    Then the next time you are going to the park, check in with her before hand, and ask if she is going to say words that make people happy or sad. Hopefully she will say happy, and then you can go and have a good time. And if she does it again, just simply say, we have to go home now. And then when you are calm and able to talk about it, you can say why you had to leave.


    Sometimes kids, even your own, can say hurtful things. They can be testing words and boundaries, but it can really be hard if it sparks up old trauma. But hopefully an open talk about it now will help for any more future incidents. If it hurts, it's okay not to talk. Wait till you are ready to deal with it later and explain why it isn't okay.

    i hope you are doing okay,

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