Feeling of not doing enough

Interesting. People often describe me as calm and peaceful person. I actually really good at masking. I can keep my cool even when it feels like there’s a storm inside of me. I don’t know if people with ADHD do that?

Hi Alice, thanks for sharing. I thought what you said. I don’t think my parents were particularly critical, on the other hand they weren’t particularly assuring either and my dad was very aloof. He was physically present but not emotionally that I would connect with him. It was totally different with my mom but she wasn’t always there, she worked as a nurse and was doing evenings every other week.

I think my problem is that I often set the bar too high and not leaving enough time for recovery / relaxation. I don’t know why… it does feel good every time I accomplish something, but eventually it drains me. And then I feel bad because I couldn’t stick to my plans.

Hi Anselm

Your description of that “not doing enough” feeling resonates strongly with me.  Through psychological interventions Im clear that in my case this is a result of my upbringing, the words used by my parents, the sense I could never be good enough. So I studied hard, worked hard after uni, tried tirelessly to be a good employee, spouse, friend. But it was never enough for people.

Ultimately I was diagnosed with c-ptsd and it was the emotional stuff which led to this which also caused me to feel as you describe. Im 68, been in and out of the psych system since 1992 and I have that feeling. Its an intrusive set of thoughts, I personify it as a barking orders bulldog, what Im doing then is nurturing my inner kitten, she is kind and non judgmental, hopefully in time the bulldog will expire!

You may have autism, but it reads like ADHD to me the second part of what you wrote. 

Hi Lotus, thanks. It’s probably part of the problem, my current job is easy, not physically or mentally demanding but very boring and I get bored easily. Eventually it becomes stressful as I need mental stimulation to stay motivated.

I do have some hobbies and interests, I could try to find if there are any careers related to my hobbies and interest.

Hi and welcome to the community.

I'm wondering if the problem isn't actually that you're not doing enough, but that you're not doing something that really engages your mind?

Maybe you could think about what really interests you and schedule in some time to start doing that?

Yeah, worry and frustration used to be much worse, I just couldn’t figure out what’s wrong with me. And I’ve had dozens of different jobs already that usually last max. 1.5 years then I have to quit otherwise I’ll have burnout. My current job, I started last September, is okay. Not something I’ve dreamed of but it’s better than any other job I’ve had before. I think I haven’t heard about executive dysfunction or autistic inertia, I’ll have a look.

From today onwards I not going to have anything in my calendar for at least for next few weeks. Maybe I add something fun, I just need to be careful as I often end up overdoing something until I hate it. Thanks for your advice, I appreciate it.

That sounds hard, if you are working and not getting any fulfilment out of it?  It's a kind of constant worry and guilt, to think you should always be doing something useful. I know I struggle to relax. Have you read up on executive dysfunction and autistic inertia? If I am on my own (my husband is doing something else), I can sit there thinking about relaxing and doing something, but fail to actually do anything then it's time for bed.  

Trying to take it easy on yourself, and if you need routine, try actually schedule in some specific time to do things to relax on different days (do a puzzle, watch a show, play games, whatever you feel like)? It sounds silly, but if you know before hand what you are going to do to relax it can help, and if you want to do something else you can allow yourself that? (I've done this my son who doesn't like deciding things, and it did help for a while, though now he has a different routine that works for him)

Hi Nicola, thank you for your feedback, I found the information helpful. Looks like I need some downtime.

Hi there Anselm, and welcome to the online community.  I hope you find it a welcoming and supportive place.

I am sorry to hear that you have been struggling recently - it must be exhausting, but I am sure your feelings are very relatable for many.  Our community members are sure to be able to offer helpful tips and advice to you.

You may also like to have a look at our pages on autistic fatigue and burnout here: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/mental-health/autistic-fatigue  You might also like to contact your GP to have a chat about how you're feeling, as they will be able to point you in the right direction in terms of keeping on top of your mental health and wellbeing.

I hope this information is of help to you, and remember that the online community is always here if you feel like reaching back out again.