I'm sorry that im sharing it here. I feel useless and burden at work. Because I can't drive forklift and there are shortages in crew. In fact my boss said its fine I don't have to drive it. But I feel like it would be better if I'm not there. It would be better and more productive if I was normal or if someone else worked there instead of me. I'm so ashamed of all this that I don't even dare to bother my manager with my concerns because I think he would be annoyed. The most important thing is that the job is done and nobody cares how I feel. I know. I just beat myself up for not being like others. For being slower more sensitive and have low stress tolerance. I usually end up in hospital with very strong psychosomatic symptoms but no illness causing them if I'm exposed to stress and dynamic environment for longer time. That's why I can't drive the forklift. I tried and my manager was initially satisfied with the way I drive it. I'm also not afraid of the vehicle snd even the noise is not that bad, when sitting inside. But this job is not just driving the forklift around. It's a lot to process, communication, sensory, someone talking, phone ringing, one customer, second customer order etc. I can't do this. My colleagues value what I do. They say I notice all damages and report them, I use my brains, I keep papers in oder etc. But I still feel inferior and wanna beat myself up fir that.
