Where on earth do I even begin with unmasking????

Hello,

For the past 8-12 weeks I’ve been really trying hard to unmask and be my more authentic self in public and around my friends. I’ve been really trying to make a big point of it with myself recently. However….

It’s just so difficult?!?! How do people achieve it??

Every morning I literally say to myself “just be the true me” before stepping through the doors to somewhere like college or just before a social gathering and I get off to an ok start and then the mask just subconsciously slips back on and I still end up depleted at the end of the day from running 50 tabs in the background to appear like more of a social butterfly. It’s always “Don’t forget to make eye contact but not for too long or not too short” or “Make sure you use the right tone of voice” aswell as a million other things that are rushing through my head or that I’m trying to monitor at the same time. Not to forget the sensory side of things which just steals the life force away from me. Some days I can cope ok and others I just crash and want to lock myself in quiet dark room to just detox from the day I’ve had. It can be up and down. I always try to wear AirPods and sunglasses where I can to cancel out the effects of the sensory differences I have but even then, it’s the times inbetween those points where I haven’t/can’t use these which make the biggest difference.

I know fully unmasking isn’t a short process but does anyone sort of have any advice or pointers from their own personal experiences of trying to tackle this? Is it that I’m trying too hard or not trying hard enough? Is there anything which I’m not doing? Is it even possible?!

heaps of thanks :) 

Parents
  • I think the point is to reduce effort. If you are trying hard I think you are missing the point. Being you should not be hugely effortful.

    The point is to relax, allow yourself to make mistakes, and try to be calm. When you stop trying so hard and you find nothing bad happens, your nervous system calms a bit and you start to be more natural. Other people then respond differently.

    You might notice when relaxed the sensory issues are less. They are partly ramped up with the threat response.

    Anything that helps to calm you will help. 

Reply
  • I think the point is to reduce effort. If you are trying hard I think you are missing the point. Being you should not be hugely effortful.

    The point is to relax, allow yourself to make mistakes, and try to be calm. When you stop trying so hard and you find nothing bad happens, your nervous system calms a bit and you start to be more natural. Other people then respond differently.

    You might notice when relaxed the sensory issues are less. They are partly ramped up with the threat response.

    Anything that helps to calm you will help. 

Children
No Data