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Where on earth do I even begin with unmasking????

wob5

Hello,

For the past 8-12 weeks I’ve been really trying hard to unmask and be my more authentic self in public and around my friends. I’ve been really trying to make a big point of it with myself recently. However….

It’s just so difficult?!?! How do people achieve it??

Every morning I literally say to myself “just be the true me” before stepping through the doors to somewhere like college or just before a social gathering and I get off to an ok start and then the mask just subconsciously slips back on and I still end up depleted at the end of the day from running 50 tabs in the background to appear like more of a social butterfly. It’s always “Don’t forget to make eye contact but not for too long or not too short” or “Make sure you use the right tone of voice” aswell as a million other things that are rushing through my head or that I’m trying to monitor at the same time. Not to forget the sensory side of things which just steals the life force away from me. Some days I can cope ok and others I just crash and want to lock myself in quiet dark room to just detox from the day I’ve had. It can be up and down. I always try to wear AirPods and sunglasses where I can to cancel out the effects of the sensory differences I have but even then, it’s the times inbetween those points where I haven’t/can’t use these which make the biggest difference.

I know fully unmasking isn’t a short process but does anyone sort of have any advice or pointers from their own personal experiences of trying to tackle this? Is it that I’m trying too hard or not trying hard enough? Is there anything which I’m not doing? Is it even possible?!

heaps of thanks :) 

Parents

  • I do not think that masking and therefore unmasking are very useful concepts. It is particularly the attitude, expressed by parts of the autistic community, that regards the 'masked' autistic person as being fundamentally inauthentic that I object to. I regard an autistic person trying hard to fit in with the expectations of a society shaped by the 'majority neurotype', is doing just that. They are using acquired skills, not betraying a fundamental aspect of their identity. If using skill and intellectual effort allows an autistic individual to move seamlessly in society and achieve goals, and this causes no appreciable mental discomfort or damage then it is beneficial. If it causes meltdowns, shutdowns and burnout, then stopping, i.e. 'unmasking' is obviously necessary. However, unmasking is not a universal panacea, and pressure to stop trying to fit in with allistic social and communication expectations, 'unmasking', is just one more pressure on autistic people to behave in certain prescribed ways.

    Do whatever makes you personally feel more comfortable and do not feel pressured into fitting with anyone's expectations, if these cause distress or prevent you achieving what you want to achieve.

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  • I do not think that masking and therefore unmasking are very useful concepts. It is particularly the attitude, expressed by parts of the autistic community, that regards the 'masked' autistic person as being fundamentally inauthentic that I object to. I regard an autistic person trying hard to fit in with the expectations of a society shaped by the 'majority neurotype', is doing just that. They are using acquired skills, not betraying a fundamental aspect of their identity. If using skill and intellectual effort allows an autistic individual to move seamlessly in society and achieve goals, and this causes no appreciable mental discomfort or damage then it is beneficial. If it causes meltdowns, shutdowns and burnout, then stopping, i.e. 'unmasking' is obviously necessary. However, unmasking is not a universal panacea, and pressure to stop trying to fit in with allistic social and communication expectations, 'unmasking', is just one more pressure on autistic people to behave in certain prescribed ways.

    Do whatever makes you personally feel more comfortable and do not feel pressured into fitting with anyone's expectations, if these cause distress or prevent you achieving what you want to achieve.

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