• Replies 8 replies
  • Subscribers 7 subscribers
  • Views 120 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Where on earth do I even begin with unmasking????

wob5

Hello,

For the past 8-12 weeks I’ve been really trying hard to unmask and be my more authentic self in public and around my friends. I’ve been really trying to make a big point of it with myself recently. However….

It’s just so difficult?!?! How do people achieve it??

Every morning I literally say to myself “just be the true me” before stepping through the doors to somewhere like college or just before a social gathering and I get off to an ok start and then the mask just subconsciously slips back on and I still end up depleted at the end of the day from running 50 tabs in the background to appear like more of a social butterfly. It’s always “Don’t forget to make eye contact but not for too long or not too short” or “Make sure you use the right tone of voice” aswell as a million other things that are rushing through my head or that I’m trying to monitor at the same time. Not to forget the sensory side of things which just steals the life force away from me. Some days I can cope ok and others I just crash and want to lock myself in quiet dark room to just detox from the day I’ve had. It can be up and down. I always try to wear AirPods and sunglasses where I can to cancel out the effects of the sensory differences I have but even then, it’s the times inbetween those points where I haven’t/can’t use these which make the biggest difference.

I know fully unmasking isn’t a short process but does anyone sort of have any advice or pointers from their own personal experiences of trying to tackle this? Is it that I’m trying too hard or not trying hard enough? Is there anything which I’m not doing? Is it even possible?!

heaps of thanks :) 

Parents

  • Hi 

    It’s a tough one but I started with the thing I found most difficult which is eye contact. I’ve discovered that I can look at people when they are speaking but when I speak that’s when it gets hard so I don’t do it and it did feel awkward initially but now it’s so much  easier. 

    Try not to force yourself into it, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to and if you apply pressure to the situation it usually makes things worse.

    Have faith in yourself you’ll get there eventually and that’s all that matters.

    Remember people are not thinking about you as much as you think they are they are usually thinking about themselves.

    Wishing you well Blush

  • in reply to Lonehare12
    Lonehare12 said:
    Remember people are not thinking about you as much as you think they are they are usually thinking about themselves.

    Very good point.

  • in reply to B

    good point  and  

    re-reading my post in this thread - likely I was doing that very thing!

    one may see one's own situation thro' others and one may offer the opportunity for them to see themselves thro' expressing that

    it's another step to reach outside of this and truly take the others perspective and respond to that alone

    Thanks both of you.

    Phased

Reply
  • in reply to B

    good point  and  

    re-reading my post in this thread - likely I was doing that very thing!

    one may see one's own situation thro' others and one may offer the opportunity for them to see themselves thro' expressing that

    it's another step to reach outside of this and truly take the others perspective and respond to that alone

    Thanks both of you.

    Phased

Children
  • in reply to Phased
    Phased said:
    one may see one's own situation thro' others

    This triggered a memory for me.

    Years ago I had CBT for blushing/social anxiety.

    The person I saw suggested I ask people close to me how they perceived my blushing.

    I was astonished to find that something that had socially crippled me most of my life and led to me avoiding dating situations, was actually just noticed by others but wasn't a 'big thing' for them.

    Also, I remember once apologising to someone at work for something I'd said and she said something like 'you worry too much about things - it really didn't mean much to me and I had forgotten about it'.

    I wonder whether our sensitivity leads us to care 'too much' what others think of us when actually most people are more engrossed by their own internal lives.