Evening everyone,
Does anyone else feel like this?
I just feel numb. Pretty much all of the time, I find it hard to feel any sensation - this is emotional and physical and I find that more and more extreme attempts are needed to feel anything very much. For example, using a body scratcher/scrubber repeatedly, gave a sensation that I know in the past has felt painful. The other day, it was quite nice just to feel.
I was praised at work recently. Previously this would have made me feel really pleased and again, i felt nothing and struggled to say acknowledge the recognition. I initially put this down to feeling my previous reaction was naivety and that I am a bit more seasoned and perhaps cynical. But that's not really me.
I don't feel depressed or sad. I am coming to terms about my Feb/March diagnosis this year and so I wonder if there is something deep rooted going on psychologically. But I have little to be worried about except the world seems to have gone very monochrome. Not good and so this feeling is becoming something that is worrying me and consequently, I am finding concentration and focus on anything - work or life - really tough.
I can understand why people can turn to substances and self harm - just wanting some sensation. I'm not there and don't want to end up there - but how do I navigate this? It feels that the rule book I had worked out for my life has been thrown into recycling and I haven't got the new version - leaving me, well, numb. It's really strange and I would appreciate any thoughts about what might be going on for me.
Thanks. Andrew