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Late Audhd diagnosis and big feelings!

Veb

So I finally pushed myself to get the assessments for adhd and autism that were recommended to me years previously. I felt validation and relief to learn I was diagnosed combined adhd (because I heavily resonated with, and experienced, all the traits).

I expected the adhd diagnosis. I didn't expect the autistic diagnosis to confirm I'm autistic too... and I'm feeling a lot of big feelings about it. Logically it makes sense when I go over the traits and behaviours (and the contrasting experience of AuDHD), but I'd spent so long focused on the adhd side of my experience that autism was always something others had... not me, so I'm struggling to align my sense of self with it being part of who I am. 

Feeling confused and emotional. Anyone else feel this, or have any suggestions how to work through the big feelings and gain some self acceptance?

Parents

  • Hi  and welcome 

    I understand where you are coming from. I seemed to accept the ADHD diagnosis much easier than the Autism one.

    For me it’s the sadness from my childhood experiences that are related to my autism that I’m finding hard to process. I feel like I’m much more aware of how my autism affects my life and that has helped me but it has also brought about lots of changes that I’ve had to deal with.

    Therapy has been a life saver for me it’s the only place where I can process this stuff.

    I would say it’s part of the process to feel emotional and confused but the most important thing now is to look after your needs moving forward, having a safe person to talk to will help you get through and also being kind and gentle with yourself. 

    It’s easy to name all the negatives about being autistic but the real work is finding the positives and that’s where the beauty lies.

    It will take time and much learning and it may be sad at times but it will also be worth the effort to finally meet the real you.

    Blush

Reply

  • Hi  and welcome 

    I understand where you are coming from. I seemed to accept the ADHD diagnosis much easier than the Autism one.

    For me it’s the sadness from my childhood experiences that are related to my autism that I’m finding hard to process. I feel like I’m much more aware of how my autism affects my life and that has helped me but it has also brought about lots of changes that I’ve had to deal with.

    Therapy has been a life saver for me it’s the only place where I can process this stuff.

    I would say it’s part of the process to feel emotional and confused but the most important thing now is to look after your needs moving forward, having a safe person to talk to will help you get through and also being kind and gentle with yourself. 

    It’s easy to name all the negatives about being autistic but the real work is finding the positives and that’s where the beauty lies.

    It will take time and much learning and it may be sad at times but it will also be worth the effort to finally meet the real you.

    Blush

Children
  • in reply to Lonehare12

    I think that allowing yourself to feel the sadness is very important, letting yourself feel that but not overly dwelling on it or ruminating on it. It’s there - and that’s ok, it’s normal. And I agree that we really can - over time - train our minds to be more positive and to focus on what is good more than focusing on the negatives as much. The past is often a mixed bag of emotions for autistic people (in fact for all people most likely!) and we can look at that with fresh eyes after a diagnosis - and understand it better hopefully. But it’s important to recognise also that the past is gone - and to let it go. We don’t have to be defined by our past. What matters is now - and what we choose to do now, and building on that as we go forward. Guilt about the past has only one good purpose - which is to act as a motivation for us to be good people  from now on. I love that Toni Morrison line “you did then what you knew how to do, and when you knew better - you did better”. 

  • in reply to Lonehare12

    Aww, thank you so much for this. I really love the idea of finding the beauty in all the positives it allows me to experience.

    I think it's just the difficulty of preparing for one outcome, only to receive the opposite. I struggle with I also feel a bit like I'm grieving all the years I could have had help, and a better sense of how and why I was struggling. But I'm glad I have the opportunity to start to understand myself more now.... and it's so nice to know there's nice people on here.  :)