I have confirmation for my dates in October and November this year. I go private, there are 2 reasons for that. Waiting lists for the assessments on insurance are astronomically long and people wait years. Another reason is that as I red the requirements- there must be a family member ready to be my informant (parents or siblings) and I don't fill this requirement. I could maybe ask my only friend who knows me 20 years, but they don't accept such option. So ok, I called snd emailed many clinics and one lady responded. I have to pay myself, but it doesn't bother me much. I have savings, I don't travel ir party, I don't smoke or drink and I buy very little clothes or shoes only when really necessary. So there are people who spend a lot of money for the things I just listed, I don't spend my money on any of it. But decided to spend them on getting myself help. Yes, I view it as a help in my situation. The lady fully accepts the fact that I don't have informant but I have evidence collected by myself. She will work on that. She wrote me that it's most Important for her to talk to the person. If needed, she can also ask my husband few questions. I'm kind of worried, kind of can't believe it, it's gonna happen this year, I also experience imposter Syndrom, what if I'm faking it all... I know I don't. But it's all too much. One long term pen pall, who I met in this forum supports me on my journey I'm very grateful to them. Just today my daughter asked me to not look her so hostile, while I was just helping her take shower (she is 4) I wasn't angry or hostile at all. Just neutral and I looked that she doesn't fall. Now it makes sense. I used to think, that all people around me hate me. Now it's clearer- this is how they perceive me. Even my little daughter. And my husband often asks me why I'm so moody, when I'm not. My step dad used to tell me that he can't look at my face and was going to punch me, my mom stopped him. For me doing nothing just sitting quietly. Its an old story. I hope I will get the right answer- if I'm autistic, I want the autism diagnosis. If it's something else- I would like to finally know, what. After decade of misdiagnosis and various treatments I would like to finally know. And maybe get some help or at least join the local support group. Here it's possible only with the official diagnosis.
