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17 year old son isolating, refusing help, and self-harming

N123

Hi everyone,

I’m new here and feeling quite overwhelmed, so I hope it’s okay to post.

My son is 17 and autistic. Over the past couple of years he has become increasingly isolated, he doesn’t go out, has no friends, and now says he can’t communicate with people because of his speech, so he avoids interaction as much as possible.

Recently he has started self-harming, which has really worried me. I’ve tried to seek professional help, but because he is over 16, services are saying he has to agree to it himself, and at the moment he is refusing any kind of support.

I feel very stuck. I don’t want to push him and risk him withdrawing further, but I’m also really concerned about his safety and how alone he is becoming.

I would really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been through something similar with an older autistic teenager:

  • How did you support them when they didn’t want help?
  • Did anything help with communication difficulties at this stage?
  • Were there any services or approaches that worked for your family?

I’m also open to any suggestions on how to cope with this as a parent, as it’s been quite isolating.

Parents

  • My son is also very isolated and has been for a long time. I want to express solidarity with you as I relate to how difficult it is to see a loved one suffer and not know how to help them. My son hasn’t self harmed but he has experienced suicidal thoughts. 
    Let him know that you are 100% there for him no matter what and that he is not alone, that you are with him and there for him day or night. How is his relationship with his dad and his siblings? Can he talk to them? 
    It might be that he needs more time to get used to the idea of seeking help. If he is self harming however I’m surprised that services are not being more proactive in trying to help him. Is he a danger to himself? 
    I’m so sorry - this must be absolutely heartbreaking for you both. Do you have any success in talking to him about his feelings at all? What does he say, how does he view his own situation? 

  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    Thank you for your response.  He is very difficult to talk to, and is quite aggressive towards me and blames me rather than facing the real issue.  I know it’s mainly due to all the frustration building up and it is not easy for him to be completely alone in school either and other kids laughing at him.  I think the self harm is more of a cry for help rather than him trying to put his life in danger but having said that I still want to deal with this rather than him attempting this again. 

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  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    Thank you for your response.  He is very difficult to talk to, and is quite aggressive towards me and blames me rather than facing the real issue.  I know it’s mainly due to all the frustration building up and it is not easy for him to be completely alone in school either and other kids laughing at him.  I think the self harm is more of a cry for help rather than him trying to put his life in danger but having said that I still want to deal with this rather than him attempting this again. 

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