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Some thoughts

Alien0n3arth

I'm wondering, why people have such a problem accepting criticism. When they criticise me- then I have to take it. And I do it. I'm used to it my wholelife since childhood. After many years I started forming my own opinions. My mom thinks that we perfectly agree on everything,  because I never opposed. I didn't do it, not because I agree with her 100%. It's because fir long time I used to take her opinion as my own, I wasn't aware of my ability to form my own opinion. So now, after long analyses I started giving criticism (constructive,  polite) but honest. And it turns out, that people can't take it. Why it's always me, who has to take it? But others can't? I'm kinda good trained in getting criticism. Others don't know how to do it. If they were in my skin... they would get crazy after so much criticism what I got from them. 

So I told my mom, that discussions with her are hard, because she interrupts,  changes topics constantly,  gives arguments that have nothing to do with the problem and questions my every experience that I tried to share with her. So I told her I have no power to talk to her about my problems. In her opinion being a loner and weirdo without friends is NOT a problem. So I gave her few examples of disadvantages- something "dissappear" from tge shelf in the store. The manager suspects that it was ME. Why? Because I'm the loner and weirdo, I don't hang out with people. Now this case has been resolved,  but I got a lot of stress and anxiety around it. Another example- who has friends,  is popular,  has much higher chances of finding a better job. I saw once stats, I don't remember exactly the figure it was around 50% of employers prefer someone who they know/ through friends. Without such advantages even a gifted person often ends up as a cashier. Another example- Mobbing at work. Who is a loner, is much more likely to experience this and have no support. So in few words - there is a big difference in the quality of life if you have good social skills and appear attractive. Another example- I was suspected of taking drugs in previous company (I don't take any, but I somehow look like i do). 

So all this are not problems for my mom. And she is unable to take any criticism. It took me so many years to develop this ability, to form my own opinion, articulate it. And people get offended and don't like it. I'm sorry. I'm somehow frustrated. Or I'm myself not sure, what I'm feeling. I don't like double standards,  but people around have them constantly. Inconsistency is their second name.

Parents

  • I know exactly what you mean, people seem incapable of owning their feelings opinions, statements and beliefs, they all assume that they're in the right and everybody agrees with them.

    I think it's harder when you start saying what you think and feel and peole find out it's different to them or what they thought you feel and think it's a big shock to them. I use two things when in this situation, I use my academic training to ask questions of questions and interogate questions as a way of widening the discussion, people usually get fed up and walk off, which is fine by me. Or I use the cognitive interviewing techniques I learned from watching Scott and Bailey, these tend to make people go away and leave me alone too, I do sometimes get abuse, but there are few people who can out banter me, or be as creative with insults as me, so win win.

Reply

  • I know exactly what you mean, people seem incapable of owning their feelings opinions, statements and beliefs, they all assume that they're in the right and everybody agrees with them.

    I think it's harder when you start saying what you think and feel and peole find out it's different to them or what they thought you feel and think it's a big shock to them. I use two things when in this situation, I use my academic training to ask questions of questions and interogate questions as a way of widening the discussion, people usually get fed up and walk off, which is fine by me. Or I use the cognitive interviewing techniques I learned from watching Scott and Bailey, these tend to make people go away and leave me alone too, I do sometimes get abuse, but there are few people who can out banter me, or be as creative with insults as me, so win win.

Children