Hi everyone
WARNING Mention of suicide attempts
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I imagine some of you can relate to what Im going to describe. My double diagnosis of ASC + PTSD is I feel 100% correct, and according to statistics Ive found in PTSD UK and in research papers autistic people are 10 to 15% more likely than the general population to attempt suicide. I have survived four, each one more nearly successful than the previous one, and nearly made a fifth recently but was able thankfully to stop it in its tracks. Id been ruminating on why people don’t read my very carefully written emails, its really winding me up, and went from calm to a full on meltdown in a few minutes - but I was driving at the time on a busy motorway. It very much felt that I should just close my eyes and let the car smash into whatever - but thats whoever too with potentially several lives ended and others ruined. Fortunately I held the feelings off long enough to get of that route.
I was actually driving to my gp to discuss physical pain relief, shes good and knows how to talk well with autistic people, and quickly I was explaining the thoughts Ive just described to her. We had a very open conversation and she made the decision to tell me not to drive (obvious really) and it felt like a huge weight lifted. It was clear I had as much time as I needed and she kept me safe until I could get a lift home. Im corresponding now with the DVLA Medical unit and have voluntarily surrendered my license. She has referred me to the local mental health team (again) and increased my anti depressant.
I seriously doubt the mental health team will help me (in the past they have always made matters worse then discharged me as too complex and too high risk) but I know my closest humans will and therefore have hope
The logistical ramifications on our family are really serious but Im being understood and respected for being honest with my dr, despite it leading to us cancelling our holiday plus having to re work all the practical things families do.
I can’t name anyone but huge thanks to my spouse, family and dr. for taking away my primary method and for backing up my decision.
AnA
