• Replies 11 replies
  • Subscribers 8 subscribers
  • Views 228 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Diagnosed with both autism and PTSD - recent problems

Alice-nice-Alice

Hi everyone 

WARNING  Mention of suicide attempts

X

xlx

I imagine some of you can relate to what Im going to describe. My double diagnosis of ASC + PTSD is I feel 100% correct, and according to statistics Ive found in PTSD UK and in research papers autistic people are 10 to 15% more likely than the general population to attempt suicide. I have survived four, each one more nearly successful than the previous one, and nearly made a fifth recently but was able thankfully to stop it in its tracks. Id been ruminating on why people don’t read my very carefully written emails, its really winding me up, and went from calm to a full on meltdown in a few minutes - but I was driving at the time on a busy motorway. It very much felt that I should just close my eyes and let the car smash into whatever - but thats whoever too with potentially several lives ended and others ruined. Fortunately I held the feelings off long enough to get of that route. 


 I was actually driving to my gp to discuss physical pain relief, shes good and knows how to talk well with autistic people, and quickly I was explaining the thoughts Ive just described to her. We had a very open conversation and she made the decision to tell me not to drive (obvious really) and it felt like a huge weight lifted. It was clear I had as much time as I needed and she kept me safe until I could get a lift home. Im corresponding now with the DVLA Medical unit and have voluntarily surrendered my license. She has referred me to the local mental health team (again) and increased my anti depressant. 

I seriously doubt the mental health team will help me (in the past they have always made matters worse then discharged me as too complex and too high risk) but I know my closest humans will and therefore have hope  

The logistical ramifications on our family are really serious but Im being understood and respected for being honest with my dr, despite it leading to us cancelling our holiday plus having to re work all the practical things families do.

I can’t name anyone but huge thanks to my spouse, family and dr. for taking away my primary method and for backing up my decision. 

AnA

  • in reply to Lotus

    Thanks Lotus. Very much appreciate you replying and your good wishes 

  • in reply to Hergé

    Thank you Herge. Being kind to ourselves is crucial, but I like many others am poor at it. My thinking is too black and white and when negative emotions result from that I take it out on myself. I don’t self harm in obvious ways but my treatment of myself mentally could certainly be considered to be sh. 

  • in reply to profdanger

    Thank you sooo much for kind words of support, very much appreciated. Im reasonably ok and definitely safe at present. Fortunately my gp prescribes diazepam to use for meltdowns and especially when SI occurs. This is probably a non standard use of this med which the nhs are reducing access to so I count myself fortunate. Im fully aware of the dangers of dependence and tolerance which she can see, medics often praise my insight but that goes straight out the window in a meltdown. 

  • in reply to LucyLandRover

    Thankyou ever so much. I appreciate your support. Love the RT by the way.

  • I too have PTSD and with autism as well it is quite the mix so I feel your pain. It is tough, so tough but we keep going. You have made some powerful choices, giving up your driving licence is a bold step. Really wishing you well and hope your situation improves soon.  

  • Whoa yeah, I can relate. I haven’t been diagnosed with PTSD but I’m pretty sure I have it, and I’ve fought with SI quite a lot. That’s awesome you were brave enough to remove your primary method. I know from experience that it is hard to let go of a primary method and be open about it to your support group.

    So yeah, I’m proud of you and I think you made the best decision to voluntarily surrender your license. I am wishing you the best.

  • Your so right, I can personally relate to your experiences.

    My own dealings with the NHS mental health teams have been a combination of frustration and resignation. I have TRD and it can be a constant daily battle just to make it through the day.

    I made a decision last year that things can't continue travelling the same route as I was running into the same walls time and time again.

    I'm trying to be kinder to myself which really isn't easy and I'm trying to recognise when I'm starting to slide earlier, which isn't always easy when you have Alexithymia and emotional dysregulation.

    I wish you all the best.

    Hergé

  • in reply to DormouseAtRest_25

    Thank you, you write most eloquently, it was good to read your reply to my post as I had breakfast this morning. Smile

  • Hi and welcome to the community. Thanks for sharing your experiences and wishing you well.

  • Morning AnA,

    As I read your post through, several times - I was kept company by the sound if an owl sat in a distant hedge. 

    This time of day, this time of year, (between 5.00 - 5.45 am, mid-March in the UK - with sunrise not until 06.19 am), the owls tend to sound as though they cannot quite decide how raucous they ought to be.  They could be busy, or they could settle down for a rest.  Their doleful, slightly muted mutterings only sound like a half-hearted effort following their exertions through nocturnal hunting.

    As the owl wonders, the first Blackbird has no doubt - their early morning song is clear, bright and holds the promise of excitement for the day ahead.

    I feel nature has much to teach us about our own mental health and recovery.  We humans have allowed ourselves to become conditioned to expect ourselves to always be the go-getting Blackbird - but an Owl reminds us daily; there is equal value in a time to rest and recuperate.

    Your closest humans will aid your recovery and you can think ahead to brighter, busier times doing family-related things together - once you have rested to suit your need, energy and interests engagement level at the moment.

    Do try not to dwell too much on the pressures of the logistical ramifications - having once experienced a 6 month period of not driving myself - it is strange how the logistics start to look after themselves in ways and via support from other humans you might not have envisaged originally.

    I am about to kickstart a particularly, for me, busy day (Blackbird mode) - but I shall be settled into a recovery day tomorrow (Owl mode).

    Wishing your own today goes well.