This my personal view and apologies if it's distressing. It is too me!
As a person who struggles daily with the "what if I wasn't here" question and I also have the unfortunate knowledge of the ramifications of people making that decision.
It often feels that I'm caught in a strong tide that's trying to tear me away from my moorings. I've always considered and hoped that the lines that hold me in place will always be enough.
Someone I knew made the decision last year that his anchors weren't strong enough and he ended his life.
I hadn't really thought about this person in years but that event had a massive impact on the way I think about it and the way it would effect the people around me.
The pain you hold doesn't go just away, it's just magnified and transferred to the people left in the wake of that desperate sad event. It's like a ripple in a pool, it spreads out and touches the outer most reaches.The people left feel as they have failed, even though they may not have known it had gotten anywhere near that point.
It's not cowardice that makes us want the pain and noise to end, I suppose it could feel quite liberating and comforting that you have made that choice.
There has to be another way and it's never going to be easy but it is worthwhile.
So if you are like me, I'm here because of the people around me, that need me to be here. If you just want to listen to your favourite podcast or watch your favourite show. Please just keep doing that.
If you are really struggling, please find someone to talk to and something to hang onto, you will get through this. The end is the end and there's coming back from it.
I'm sorry if this was uncomfortable reading but it is something I live with daily.
I'm not going anywhere, I've got my battles to face and if you've read a post of mine from last week you'll know what it is.
Take care and be strong.
Love
Hergé
This my personal view and apologies if it's distressing. It is too me!
As a person who struggles daily with the "what if I wasn't here" question and I also have the unfortunate knowledge of the ramifications of people making that decision.
It often feels that I'm caught in a strong tide that's trying to tear me away from my moorings. I've always considered and hoped that the lines that hold me in place will always be enough.
Someone I knew made the decision last year that his anchors weren't strong enough and he ended his life.
I hadn't really thought about this person in years but that event had a massive impact on the way I think about it and the way it would effect the people around me.
The pain you hold doesn't go just away, it's just magnified and transferred to the people left in the wake of that desperate sad event. It's like a ripple in a pool, it spreads out and touches the outer most reaches.The people left feel as they have failed, even though they may not have known it had gotten anywhere near that point.
It's not cowardice that makes us want the pain and noise to end, I suppose it could feel quite liberating and comforting that you have made that choice.
There has to be another way and it's never going to be easy but it is worthwhile.
So if you are like me, I'm here because of the people around me, that need me to be here. If you just want to listen to your favourite podcast or watch your favourite show. Please just keep doing that.
If you are really struggling, please find someone to talk to and something to hang onto, you will get through this. The end is the end and there's coming back from it.
I'm sorry if this was uncomfortable reading but it is something I live with daily.
I'm not going anywhere, I've got my battles to face and if you've read a post of mine from last week you'll know what it is.
Take care and be strong.
Love
Hergé
Hi Hergé
I really appreciate you sharing this.
What you wrote about the ripples it leaves behind really resonated with me.
I also have those dark thoughts sometimes and know that feeling of holding on because of the people we love. I have a son and even though he’s independent, I couldn’t leave that kind of pain with him.
Some nights can feel very heavy, but I’ve noticed the mornings are often a little kinder.
Sometimes just getting through the night is enough.
You’re not alone in those battles.
I’m really glad you’re still here and sharing, especially with everything you’re facing with your wife
