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Never in the inner circle of friends

Observerandthinker

I only got diagnosed with autism last year, and have found it so difficult to get to grips with. Something I very much struggle with is the fact that I have never been someone’s best friend. I am never in the inner circle of my groups, I feel like I’m on the fringe. Recently, one of my closest friends has started just being microagressive to me and always acts like I do not understand these digs. I had to cut off my group of close friends after sixth form because they didn’t respond to my messages and all visited each other at uni without asking me. I feel like there is something wrong with me, but I am extremely polite and I would even argue generous, with my friends. Eg. The one who has been treating me badly - I just saved an art show he was involved in as I missed a day of uni to pick up his art piece when he had forgotten it. But he’s still treating me poorly. How do you not ruminate on these things? All it does is make me spiral and feel like there’s no place for me in this world.

Parents

  • I'm sorry to hear you are having a hard time, I recognise that feeling of never being thought of too, and being a wallpaper friend as I've some to think of it -someone people are fine to have in the background, but aren't anything more to people. I was the same in uni, no matter how hard I tried.

    I think sometimes like this, it's the friends who are the ones that aren't your people. You are you, and you can feel more included, you just have to find the right friends. I think knowing you are autistic can help, so you can stop trying to make yourself fit in and worrying what they think, and instead find people who except you as you are. Maybe try some groups connected to hobbies/interests you like, so you can get some independance from these other friends. I'm not saying you have to eject them entirely, but if they are doing seperate things, it would be good for you to do that too.

    You do have a place, you just have to find where you are happiest.

Reply

  • I'm sorry to hear you are having a hard time, I recognise that feeling of never being thought of too, and being a wallpaper friend as I've some to think of it -someone people are fine to have in the background, but aren't anything more to people. I was the same in uni, no matter how hard I tried.

    I think sometimes like this, it's the friends who are the ones that aren't your people. You are you, and you can feel more included, you just have to find the right friends. I think knowing you are autistic can help, so you can stop trying to make yourself fit in and worrying what they think, and instead find people who except you as you are. Maybe try some groups connected to hobbies/interests you like, so you can get some independance from these other friends. I'm not saying you have to eject them entirely, but if they are doing seperate things, it would be good for you to do that too.

    You do have a place, you just have to find where you are happiest.

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