Stuck and terrified

After a mental breakdown and me going on meds, my therapist said I should be assessed for autism. And here I'm terrified of possibly receiving this diagnosis. I would like to join a support group,  for that I need the formal diagnosis. I'm also afraid of the group. I'm married, I have a child, a part time job, I'm seemingly too successful to be autistic.  I'm afraid of being hated by other members of the group for joining in, while I may seem, from someones perspective to not have any unusual struggles in life. I tried to find a trauma therapy,  but couldn't. My therapist said he doesn't think that the trauma therapy alone would help me. He said now the most important thing is the formal diagnosis.  I do need long term assistance from mental health professionals,  meds periodically, therapies etc. I'm lucky I didn't hurt myself over a week ago. Now im stable although I struggle with getting used to tge side effects. As someone here suggested,  I started writing a diary. Now im terrified of being possibly labeled autistic.  I'm also terrified of not receiving any help. Once I thought I would deserve a confirmation of my struggles, now my point if view evolved. Currently I'm waiting for information if the assessment would be done in our town or I have to find some other clinic outside. Or maybe give up all this... I don't know what to do. Has anyone felt this way before assessment?

Parents
  • Hi. I’m back after being in the sin bin.

    I am waiting to be seen by a group, who are experts in understanding the neurodivergent area.

    They will be giving me my official diagnosis for high-functioning autism.

    They asked me to give a form to a person who had known me from when I was only a boy. I was naive to think that when I gave my father the form to fill in for me, that he wouldn’t backstab me. That he wouldn’t choose my mother over me.

    Instead of helping me get some closure, on many years of abuse, neglect, confusion, he opted to receive temporary happiness, given by a person who has tortured me relentlessly, and so badly, that they plague my nightmares.

    Sleepless nights. Being ignored. Dealing with the same things.

    I am truly…

    …alone.

Reply
  • Hi. I’m back after being in the sin bin.

    I am waiting to be seen by a group, who are experts in understanding the neurodivergent area.

    They will be giving me my official diagnosis for high-functioning autism.

    They asked me to give a form to a person who had known me from when I was only a boy. I was naive to think that when I gave my father the form to fill in for me, that he wouldn’t backstab me. That he wouldn’t choose my mother over me.

    Instead of helping me get some closure, on many years of abuse, neglect, confusion, he opted to receive temporary happiness, given by a person who has tortured me relentlessly, and so badly, that they plague my nightmares.

    Sleepless nights. Being ignored. Dealing with the same things.

    I am truly…

    …alone.

Children
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