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Stuck and terrified

Alien0n3arth

After a mental breakdown and me going on meds, my therapist said I should be assessed for autism. And here I'm terrified of possibly receiving this diagnosis. I would like to join a support group,  for that I need the formal diagnosis. I'm also afraid of the group. I'm married, I have a child, a part time job, I'm seemingly too successful to be autistic.  I'm afraid of being hated by other members of the group for joining in, while I may seem, from someones perspective to not have any unusual struggles in life. I tried to find a trauma therapy,  but couldn't. My therapist said he doesn't think that the trauma therapy alone would help me. He said now the most important thing is the formal diagnosis.  I do need long term assistance from mental health professionals,  meds periodically, therapies etc. I'm lucky I didn't hurt myself over a week ago. Now im stable although I struggle with getting used to tge side effects. As someone here suggested,  I started writing a diary. Now im terrified of being possibly labeled autistic.  I'm also terrified of not receiving any help. Once I thought I would deserve a confirmation of my struggles, now my point if view evolved. Currently I'm waiting for information if the assessment would be done in our town or I have to find some other clinic outside. Or maybe give up all this... I don't know what to do. Has anyone felt this way before assessment?

Parents

  • I sense that you are experiencing real panic and distress - I’m really sorry you’re under so much pressure at the moment. Getting a diagnosis will be ok, and not getting a diagnosis will be ok. What matters is that you take care of yourself now, and focus on what’s happening day by day and finding ways to calm your nervous system and improve your overall well being. 
    Please don’t worry about not being accepted by other autistic people - bear in mind that virtually all 9f us at one point didn’t have a diagnosis either. We all get to this point at different stages in life. It’s ok - please don’t worry about that. Look how accepting and kind everyone on this forum is - it’s a very friendly environment and not judgmental in my experience.

    You're bound to be experiencing complex and confusing emotions about getting a diagnosis- I think that’s entirely normal and to be expected. 
    Try to accept that at the moment your emotions regarding this are going to be ‘up and down’ - rather than worrying about them. 
    It’s good that you’re feeling a bit more stable this week than last week. Take it day by day, focus on doing what brings you comfort and happiness, and lean on those loved ones who are able to support you as you work your way through this. You’re not alone, and many people have been through this too. Hopefully the side effects from your medication will improve soon - they generally do apparently. 

  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    Thank you, yes you are right, I experience a Mix of emotions. I also worry about one more thing- medical records that I lack, especially these from my childhood. I have some evidence (weak) about my development, but if they need my medical records, then hmm unfortunately it's impossible. My mom threw them out long ago. I only remember having an encephalogramme at age 7 and I have email where my father wrote me how I was in my childhood and sent me some copies of my pictures from that period. My school reports say nothing about my behaviour only "well behaved" and I received some praise for 100% presence. And they reflect to some degree my spikey profile, but it may not be enough for them.

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    I had no medical records. I also had no s hool reports or things indicating I had childhood issues. My parents also told them I the interview there was nothing wrong with me.

    I still got diagnosed. They used my memories, or lived experience, plus my obvious presentation to judge.

    Like I've said before, they decided before we formally started, the issue was just finding enough evidence to tick the boxes.

    I did it privately though with someone quite experienced. I can't say the process is the same everywhere.

    But I also wouldn't be completely scared their aren't solutions to your worries.

    Worrying so much is also partly evidence. 

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  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    I had no medical records. I also had no s hool reports or things indicating I had childhood issues. My parents also told them I the interview there was nothing wrong with me.

    I still got diagnosed. They used my memories, or lived experience, plus my obvious presentation to judge.

    Like I've said before, they decided before we formally started, the issue was just finding enough evidence to tick the boxes.

    I did it privately though with someone quite experienced. I can't say the process is the same everywhere.

    But I also wouldn't be completely scared their aren't solutions to your worries.

    Worrying so much is also partly evidence. 

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