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Stuck and terrified

Alien0n3arth

After a mental breakdown and me going on meds, my therapist said I should be assessed for autism. And here I'm terrified of possibly receiving this diagnosis. I would like to join a support group,  for that I need the formal diagnosis. I'm also afraid of the group. I'm married, I have a child, a part time job, I'm seemingly too successful to be autistic.  I'm afraid of being hated by other members of the group for joining in, while I may seem, from someones perspective to not have any unusual struggles in life. I tried to find a trauma therapy,  but couldn't. My therapist said he doesn't think that the trauma therapy alone would help me. He said now the most important thing is the formal diagnosis.  I do need long term assistance from mental health professionals,  meds periodically, therapies etc. I'm lucky I didn't hurt myself over a week ago. Now im stable although I struggle with getting used to tge side effects. As someone here suggested,  I started writing a diary. Now im terrified of being possibly labeled autistic.  I'm also terrified of not receiving any help. Once I thought I would deserve a confirmation of my struggles, now my point if view evolved. Currently I'm waiting for information if the assessment would be done in our town or I have to find some other clinic outside. Or maybe give up all this... I don't know what to do. Has anyone felt this way before assessment?

Parents

  • You're catastrophising, you have black and white thinking, you've narrowed your perspective, you are seeing things as a threat.

    This is not your fault. Don't panic. You are stressed and stress causes these things. Cognitive distortions are normal. Everyone does them when stressed, it is a question of degree.

    Try to be calm, get some sleep and first thing in the morning, before you get stressed, things feel better. Sometimes you wake and your thoughts race. But if calm you will get a better picture.

    You are associating diagnosis with failure, being not good enough, being exposed, that your efforts were for nothing, that you are broken. So of course you are scared. But they're not true. They are being shaped by your preconceived ideas.

    You just think differently. It has some effects, but they're manageable once you know the root cause.

    The reason for the diagnosis is so they know how to treat you. Trauma is similar but is treated differently if you are not autistic.

    You are worried about logistics, which is normal. Try not to worry about things you don't know yet. There will be a solution.

    You have someone who is taking you seriously, is listening and its trying to help, that's a big step. Try not to feel threatened. It will change your routines, which is what you are responding to. It upsets the current coping strategies. It also challenges your identity. It is anticipatory anxiety.

    I can't say it is easy, it caused me a lot of issues, but it helps eventually. But do you really want to know? If you don't, honestly, then you don't have to do it. 

  • in reply to Stuart333

    Thank you, yes, it's morning here, I just woke up and red your response. It helps. For me it's not a failure, I'm scared of being even more bullied and isolated. I have some plans, but the diagnosis itself shouldn't destroy them, because I have a history of being employed and passing courses, so it should matter more than my issues.

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    Will people know if you don't tell them?

    If they don't know they can't bully you more or less. It is information for you. If someone notices you going to appointments you don't need to say what they are for, you can just say mental health.

    You will have someone to talk to for a short period who is interested in you. They may be able to suggest things that could help. Even if they offer nothing, you will not be any worse off.

    Instead of thinking about what is the worst that could happen, also think about what is the best that could happen. The truth will probably be somewhere in the middle.

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  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    Will people know if you don't tell them?

    If they don't know they can't bully you more or less. It is information for you. If someone notices you going to appointments you don't need to say what they are for, you can just say mental health.

    You will have someone to talk to for a short period who is interested in you. They may be able to suggest things that could help. Even if they offer nothing, you will not be any worse off.

    Instead of thinking about what is the worst that could happen, also think about what is the best that could happen. The truth will probably be somewhere in the middle.

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