Sense of Identity

I’m 64 and have been telling people about my recent autism diagnosis. So many of them have responded with - “it’s just the same you, but with a label”. Or “I think we’re all on the spectrum”. Or “ But you’re really confident and obviously high functioning.”

I am beginning to realise that nobody knows me at all. It wasn’t a surprise that I’m autistic but it is still a seismic shift for me to really see and feel myself fully unmasked for the first time. I feel like I am hyper aware of my autistic traits, feelings and responses. I didn’t feel like I was functioning well before (despite looking like I was to others), but I feel even less functioning now.

I think I need to know that other people have experienced and felt what I am experiencing and feeling. Anyone?

Parents
  • I'm not diagnosed,  but since the realisation and suspicion I started feeling uncomfortable with my own stimming,  although I can't just stop it, it serves me like always, but I think that others stare at me or think something bad about me or that they recognise autism in me. It annoys me. It also happens that someone changes their seat. Earlier I didn't think it could be because of my stimming,  but now in such situations I see it clearer. 

    Comments from others often hurt, even uf they don't mean to hurt you, but tge result us probably because they don't understand you.

    I myself am not sure, how should I respond to someone else telling me, that they are autistic. I think I would maybe ask them if they would like yo share some of their experience and justlisten if they wanna speak.

    I just remember,  I had one colleague at my previous workplace, he himself disclosed to me that he has Asperger Syndrome, my response was: "and I have Tourette Syndrome!" I didn't think how I should react it was automatically- he shared, so I shared too. (At that time I had Tourette diagnosis,  but turned out was wrong). His reaction was with a smile he said, we both with syndromes understand each other better. I myself wondered what kind of Syndrome is that where the person is exceptionally normal. I had so.e thoughts and fantasies about going for coffee with him, but was too shy to ask. Maybe even good, I don't know. I preferred spending breaks with him, than with NTs and their small talk. We had word games and shared about our special intrests. 10 years later I found out I might be on the spectrum just like that guy i liked.

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  • I'm not diagnosed,  but since the realisation and suspicion I started feeling uncomfortable with my own stimming,  although I can't just stop it, it serves me like always, but I think that others stare at me or think something bad about me or that they recognise autism in me. It annoys me. It also happens that someone changes their seat. Earlier I didn't think it could be because of my stimming,  but now in such situations I see it clearer. 

    Comments from others often hurt, even uf they don't mean to hurt you, but tge result us probably because they don't understand you.

    I myself am not sure, how should I respond to someone else telling me, that they are autistic. I think I would maybe ask them if they would like yo share some of their experience and justlisten if they wanna speak.

    I just remember,  I had one colleague at my previous workplace, he himself disclosed to me that he has Asperger Syndrome, my response was: "and I have Tourette Syndrome!" I didn't think how I should react it was automatically- he shared, so I shared too. (At that time I had Tourette diagnosis,  but turned out was wrong). His reaction was with a smile he said, we both with syndromes understand each other better. I myself wondered what kind of Syndrome is that where the person is exceptionally normal. I had so.e thoughts and fantasies about going for coffee with him, but was too shy to ask. Maybe even good, I don't know. I preferred spending breaks with him, than with NTs and their small talk. We had word games and shared about our special intrests. 10 years later I found out I might be on the spectrum just like that guy i liked.

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