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Suicidal ideation

NAS51082

I am diagnosed autistic and possibly ADD

I'm a really struggling with suicidal thoughts ideation all throughout the day everyday. I really really want to be dead and to end my life but somehow don't seem to be able to!! (Content removed by moderator)

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I live such a miserable zero quality of a life isolated and alone struggling with the people around me and the lack of support that I need as have been failed by the people that were supposed to help me being the mental health community treatment team and have actually decided to discharge me from their services and also social services that decided to have me arrested by the police for being autistic which I find has totally destroyed the trust I have between them and now choose to never want to engage with them again.

I struggle so much with life as in the past year I have had to have my dog put to sleep due to Illness which has absolutely broken me as I feel I have lost the only thing that could help me somewhat cope with this horrible life I live as he was my emotional support helping to regulate my emotions but I did still struggle and reached out to the mental health services which offered no help and actually made me worse which affected my behaviour effecting my dog having to witness my meltdowns which has made me literally hate them so I ultimately feel I am not at all willing to engage with them as they never helped me when I needed them and belittled me and blamed me for being autistic not understand how much I am struggling.

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  • Unfortunately I don't have an answer, but I can offer some sympathy as I regularly feel like I want to be dead. Its very difficult to stop this. I find when I feel better it is only ever temporary.

    I was struggling to hold back the tears when I was walking round the city centre yesterday.

  • I am sorry that you are feeling this way and struggling atm. It sounds like you want things to change in life. 

    A good first step might be to write down what life would look like if it was better for you. Try and make these as specific as possible. Then you could break them down into what would be the most important to you, i.e. rank them, then what ones you think would be easiest to haedest to achieve. You could then put down the barriers, i.e. things making them challenging and difficult for you to do. Then thinking / looking into what may make those challenges slightly easier, i.e. anxiety management / emotion regulation / sensory overload etc. You could then make some steps in how you might tackle each of your goals. This might make you feel a little more in control of life when things feel really overwhelming.

    Remember to be kind a compassionate toward yourself, it does make a slight difference. 

    Do sone reading aroubd your diagnosis / areas of challenges, as knowledge around these is good. Knowing what you are managing and why always makes it that little easier. 

  • your not alone i keep getting onto the samaritans myself but ibdont like talking to people eith on phone or in petdon and the beta text service is closed

  • Hello  

    Thank you for sharing how you've been feeling with the Community. It sounds like you've been going through an incredibly tough time, with lots of difficult things happening in your life at once. It's understandably that you have felt isolated and in pain.

    The National Autistic Society does not currently operate a crisis or emergency service. If you’re finding it hard to cope or have thoughts of harming yourself, please seek help. If you feel you are at risk of immediate harm, dial 999 or contact one of the mental health crisis lines listed on our Urgent Help Page: https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/help-and-support/urgent-help.

    You could call your GP and ask for an urgent appointment – they can help you get the right support. 

    If it’s not an emergency but you’re still struggling, speaking to a health professional can help. If your GP is closed, you can call 111 for NHS support. In England, Wales and Scotland, you can now choose option 2 to speak directly with mental health professionals: https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/urgent-and-emergency-care-services/when-to-use-111/.

    Here are some other organisations that offer free, confidential support:

    · Samaritans – Call 116 123, 24/7

    · SANEline – 0300 304 7000 (4.30 PM–10.30 PM daily)

    · Shout – Text 85258, 24/7

    · Mind Infoline – 0300 123 3393 (Mon–Fri, 9 AM–6 PM

    You’re not alone in this. Support is out there and we’re here too. We hope some of these resources help and we’re here if you want to share more.

    Kind regards,

    Chloe Mod

  • Ive had suicidal ideation for a number of years. Its only ever felt like an option, its never felt like a solution. And it will never be a solution to what you are going through. A change can come at any time and usually when its not expected, but you need to be here to experience it

  • You will get through this period honestly. What did they have you arrested for?

    why don’t you get a new dog? That will give you some focus