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Late autism diagnosis and self-acceptance

PeoplePleaser

Hi!

I (w, 36) was diagnosed with autism at the beginning of the year and I am really struggling with it.

I thought a diagnosis would help me understand myself, and it did. I hoped it would show me how I needed to live in order to be true to myself, function as well as I could, and protect myself from depression and burnout. And in many ways, it did.

I did not realise it would send me straight into an identity crisis, nor how hard it would be to accept who I am. I am not the person I thought I was. I was people-pleasing and masking to hell and back, pushing myself far too far. Obviously this all led to numerous depressions and burnouts and ultimately, an autism diagnosis.

To others I am warm, generous, understanding, and non-judgmental. But to myself? Apparently I have to be superhuman, otherwise I am small, weak, and dumb. I feel shame for having the struggles that I do, and after meltdowns I am so incredibly harsh on myself.

I know I can’t continue down the same path, but I am really struggling. I’m still coming to terms with the fact that I can’t do all the things I thought I could.

Has anyone else been where I’m at right now, and how did you deal with it?

Parents

  • Hello, i feel exactly the same as you. Female 53 officially diagnosed 6 months ago but self diagnosed a year ago. I didn't think this part would be do difficult znd it feels like my friends/family just don't understand. I dont really have any answers apart from suggesting a late diagnosis group, there's Swan and One Stop Shop. Its so difficult, I feel like im half in half out, some people know others don't. Its actually so helpful to see that other people feel the same way. X

  • in reply to Lemon slice

    Hi, thank you for your reply! I’m sorry to hear you are struggling, but I agree it is helpful to realise you are not alone in this.

    I know what you mean about friends and family not understanding. For me, it had even been so bad that my marriage was/is close to collapse. How should I learn to accept and love myself when the people around me can’t? It’s like I not only have to convince myself that I am good as I am, but also others. Makes the work so much harder. 

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  • in reply to Lemon slice

    Hi, thank you for your reply! I’m sorry to hear you are struggling, but I agree it is helpful to realise you are not alone in this.

    I know what you mean about friends and family not understanding. For me, it had even been so bad that my marriage was/is close to collapse. How should I learn to accept and love myself when the people around me can’t? It’s like I not only have to convince myself that I am good as I am, but also others. Makes the work so much harder. 

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