Hi!
I (w, 36) was diagnosed with autism at the beginning of the year and I am really struggling with it.
I thought a diagnosis would help me understand myself, and it did. I hoped it would show me how I needed to live in order to be true to myself, function as well as I could, and protect myself from depression and burnout. And in many ways, it did.
I did not realise it would send me straight into an identity crisis, nor how hard it would be to accept who I am. I am not the person I thought I was. I was people-pleasing and masking to hell and back, pushing myself far too far. Obviously this all led to numerous depressions and burnouts and ultimately, an autism diagnosis.
To others I am warm, generous, understanding, and non-judgmental. But to myself? Apparently I have to be superhuman, otherwise I am small, weak, and dumb. I feel shame for having the struggles that I do, and after meltdowns I am so incredibly harsh on myself.
I know I can’t continue down the same path, but I am really struggling. I’m still coming to terms with the fact that I can’t do all the things I thought I could.
Has anyone else been where I’m at right now, and how did you deal with it?
