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older parent nightmare

NAS78944

looking for some advice here really hoping someone can help.  i was diagnosed recently.    my mother is 80 and doesnt live alone but is ringing me 3 times  a day.  if i dont answer she rings again, never leaves a message.  its driving me insane, she has nothing new to say and she is constantly wanting to know what ive been doing, where ive been, why i didnt answer the phone.  ive tried to politely say, ive already talked to you today but she doesnt care and then will say if thats how you feel i wont ever ring you again, to make me feel bad.  im an adult and im sick of having no privacy. its really affecting my mental health.  im always polite but i cant take much more of it.  how would you approach this.  she doesnt live alone so has company, i wouldnt mind but all she does is moan about people.  what would you do.  thanks

Parents

  • This sounds similar to the kind of relationship that my adult son and I have with my 70-year-old mother. I have no advice, but I feel I can relate to how the frequent unwelcome phone calls are causing you to feel.

    Sometimes my mother phones because she desperately want to hear the sound of my voice and to know that I'm ok. Sometimes she phones because she's feeling desperately lonely and just wants someone (anyone) to talk to. Sometimes she phones because she requires help with tech and doesn't feel there is anyone else she can approach for help.

    If my mother phones my son's mobile and doesn't get an immediate response, she will then try phoning me on the landline. She will continue to bombard us both with phone calls until she gets a response. When she phones my landline, it is not uncommon for me to stick my fingers in my ears and walk into another room, as hearing the sound of her voice leaving a message on my answer machine is often more than I can tolerate, and often causes me to want to explode.

    If we don't respond to my mother's calls within 24 hours, she then gets agitated and anxious, to the extent that she then guilt-trips us. We know she struggles, and we have tried explaining as patiently and politely as we can that we struggle too, and cannot always be at her beck and call.

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  • This sounds similar to the kind of relationship that my adult son and I have with my 70-year-old mother. I have no advice, but I feel I can relate to how the frequent unwelcome phone calls are causing you to feel.

    Sometimes my mother phones because she desperately want to hear the sound of my voice and to know that I'm ok. Sometimes she phones because she's feeling desperately lonely and just wants someone (anyone) to talk to. Sometimes she phones because she requires help with tech and doesn't feel there is anyone else she can approach for help.

    If my mother phones my son's mobile and doesn't get an immediate response, she will then try phoning me on the landline. She will continue to bombard us both with phone calls until she gets a response. When she phones my landline, it is not uncommon for me to stick my fingers in my ears and walk into another room, as hearing the sound of her voice leaving a message on my answer machine is often more than I can tolerate, and often causes me to want to explode.

    If we don't respond to my mother's calls within 24 hours, she then gets agitated and anxious, to the extent that she then guilt-trips us. We know she struggles, and we have tried explaining as patiently and politely as we can that we struggle too, and cannot always be at her beck and call.

Children
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