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older parent nightmare

NAS78944

looking for some advice here really hoping someone can help.  i was diagnosed recently.    my mother is 80 and doesnt live alone but is ringing me 3 times  a day.  if i dont answer she rings again, never leaves a message.  its driving me insane, she has nothing new to say and she is constantly wanting to know what ive been doing, where ive been, why i didnt answer the phone.  ive tried to politely say, ive already talked to you today but she doesnt care and then will say if thats how you feel i wont ever ring you again, to make me feel bad.  im an adult and im sick of having no privacy. its really affecting my mental health.  im always polite but i cant take much more of it.  how would you approach this.  she doesnt live alone so has company, i wouldnt mind but all she does is moan about people.  what would you do.  thanks

Parents

  • What is your mother’s mental state? Could she have early stage dementia? That can result in things like this sometimes. If she is open to it I would suggest maybe setting a regular  each day when she can phone you and have a 20 minute (or whatever length of time seems best for you) chat - so that you can bring some sense of control and order to this situation. If possible try to explain to your mum in the kindest way possible that you’d like just one call a day. It’s how you say this that will help her to understand that it’s not a rejection of her - but that you need to do this because you have your own demands on your time and need for peace that mean erratic frequent calls make life difficult for you. Hopefully you can find a way to make this better for both of you. Could you talk to your dad too about this - maybe he could be supportive in helping your mum to be content with one call a day? 

  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    I meant to write ‘a regular time each day’. 

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