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Support for autistic adult with an Asian background

LYS

Hi all,

I am asking for advice on some mental health support for my husband (will be 33 years next month), who is on the autistic spectrum. The case is quite complex as he has suffered from serious bullying during his school years which led to him being expelled from the secondary school. Then he went into uni and spent a few years finding a job, until he found one in 2021. He has recently been made redundant and he has lost all his hope in finding another one, especially given how tough the market is in the UK right now. 

He has a very specific interest in transport planning, and has refused to apply for jobs in the other fields. He is desperate to kickstart his career and make money and his savings is running dry. He had little confidence in applying for jobs because he thinks he will not succeed in interviews. At the same time, he is afraid of going out due to how busy it is around where we live (London), and the sensitivity towards getting racial abuse, probably stemming from COVID times and the news (e.g President Trump called out China who created the virus). He is unwilling to see a doctor or psychologist , or a career adviser despite numerous attempts as he said they are not going to help him get a job he wants - which is the only thing on his mind right now. Due to his anxiety with going out, I found that he is struggling to find relaxation activities or ways of managing anxiety. He said his only meaning of life is to land his desired role, which at the moment out of his control. I tried counselling him but sometimes he turns into meltdown.

As I have to work full-time, he is alone at home most of the time during the day, and he has lost contact with all his family and friends because he said they don't understand his situation, and probably due to embarrassment. Where can I find support that he will engage with? It is autism, racism, joblessness and possibly PTSD all mixed together, built up over the last 20 years or so. While career adviser is the obvious solution, he wants one that is specific to transport planning or related, which I am not able to find.

Shirley

Parents

  • I have a friend who is a transport planner at the other end of the country to you and works for himself.  I'll try asking them if they have any suggestions.  No promises but leave it with me - I'll get back in 3 days one way or another.

    Best Wishes

  • in reply to Phased

    Meanwhile... and this is maybe not what you will want to hear and may be miles off the mark...

    Having been in a similar place, perhaps, once or twice as I've staggered towards decrepitude.  Setting an unrealistic bar to jump over when one is at rock bottom can be a way of avoiding the necessity of making an attempt.

    maybe a few smaller goals that are achievable can work as steps along the way?

    from personal experience these might be a blinking sight smaller than your husband really wants to admit to so go steady!

  • in reply to Phased

    Thanks for coming back to me so quickly and also go out of way to ask your friend for me. I'll look into it. 

    I think he should be suffering from autistic burnout after years of neglect and ignorance by his family, school and friends. There is no quick fix but I find often times just my presence helps quite a bit. I've tried to encourage him to build up his portfolio of knowledge day by day, but his mind is already so set on the end result (getting a job), but he doesn't realise it takes a lot of preparation to get to that point. He said it's because he doesn't feel he has never been successful before. I feel if he has been mentored and counselled by an autism specialist at a younger age, he wouldn't have struggled so much.

    One of the triggers of autistic burnout is underworking. If you or your friend is aware of opportunities to do a month or two unpaid work experience/ volunteering in transport planning please let me know! Having work he's interested in will definitely help him a big deal.

  • in reply to LYS

    Completely understand how you feel and have observed my wife experiencing the same thing.

    It's getting better for us now so hang in there  

    What help is your husband getting with his mental health I wonder?

  • in reply to Phased

    Hi there, thanks for sharing your path to recovery. I understand it is probably not the best time to work due to his mental state, but equally I/ he struggles to find a break in the emotional vicious cycle.

    This has been going on for a year, and if I just let him figure out on his own, I can see him deteriorating physically and mentally - it's like sinking in a bog deeper and deeper which makes it harder to come back up as time goes on. The longer it goes on, the less willing he is to want to do anything at all - but I know he has so much talent to contribute to this world.

    I do sometimes get frustrated about myself about not able to do much to help with the situation, and feeling trapped.

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  • in reply to Phased

    Hi there, thanks for sharing your path to recovery. I understand it is probably not the best time to work due to his mental state, but equally I/ he struggles to find a break in the emotional vicious cycle.

    This has been going on for a year, and if I just let him figure out on his own, I can see him deteriorating physically and mentally - it's like sinking in a bog deeper and deeper which makes it harder to come back up as time goes on. The longer it goes on, the less willing he is to want to do anything at all - but I know he has so much talent to contribute to this world.

    I do sometimes get frustrated about myself about not able to do much to help with the situation, and feeling trapped.

Children