Support for autistic adult with an Asian background

Completely understand how you feel and have observed my wife experiencing the same thing.

It's getting better for us now so hang in there LYS 

What help is your husband getting with his mental health I wonder?

Hi there, thanks for sharing your path to recovery. I understand it is probably not the best time to work due to his mental state, but equally I/ he struggles to find a break in the emotional vicious cycle.

This has been going on for a year, and if I just let him figure out on his own, I can see him deteriorating physically and mentally - it's like sinking in a bog deeper and deeper which makes it harder to come back up as time goes on. The longer it goes on, the less willing he is to want to do anything at all - but I know he has so much talent to contribute to this world.

I do sometimes get frustrated about myself about not able to do much to help with the situation, and feeling trapped.

I appreciate that the experience/voluntary work would be great.  - At present circumstance not ideal for my friend with same - based on my assessment and don't feel OK about asking him, sorry..

Recovery from burnout is complex.

The version I eventually settled on being "first prioritizing rest and self-care, then setting realistic expectations and boundaries, seeking support from others, and finally reflecting on and reassessing your goals to rebuild a more balanced life that aligns with your values. This process takes time and involves self-reflection, reconnecting with passions, and celebrating small wins to find renewed joy and meaning”

For me I have found this to be a somewhat protracted process.

It takes a long time to "find oneself" if that makes sense?

After quite a long time in I am still at the setting realistic expectations and boundaries stage.  It tales some time to realise what one's own personal window of capability is when one may by definition have been out of it for some time.

Along the way i have received an awful lot of advice and support.

If your husband is like me in respect of his autism and his temperament then he will need to find his own way in his own time.  And I expect this will not be easy for those around him to watch.

Quoting this Individual change in times of social crisis: Fisher’s Personal Transition Curve | The Oxford Centre for Life-Writing  on Fischer 

"Fisher suggests there are essentially three routes out in the end. One is disillusionment, another is hostility and the third is gradual acceptance. Which one becomes our own personal end in coming through this change will depend on many factors, some of which may lie largely outside of our control."...

Thanks, it helps having someone who understand my situation!

Thanks for coming back to me so quickly and also go out of way to ask your friend for me. I'll look into it. 

I think he should be suffering from autistic burnout after years of neglect and ignorance by his family, school and friends. There is no quick fix but I find often times just my presence helps quite a bit. I've tried to encourage him to build up his portfolio of knowledge day by day, but his mind is already so set on the end result (getting a job), but he doesn't realise it takes a lot of preparation to get to that point. He said it's because he doesn't feel he has never been successful before. I feel if he has been mentored and counselled by an autism specialist at a younger age, he wouldn't have struggled so much.

One of the triggers of autistic burnout is underworking. If you or your friend is aware of opportunities to do a month or two unpaid work experience/ volunteering in transport planning please let me know! Having work he's interested in will definitely help him a big deal.

so,

they got back and asked me what I wanted so I suggested maybe there was an equivalent to a planners funny handshake brigade who might help

here's their replyLYS (sorry got their job wrong however...)

"I've never really done traffic planning, my USP was always the town planning/transport planning crossover. Professionally speaking I'm a chartered member of the Royal Town Planning Institute and the Irish Planning Institute - both of those offer some pretty good pastoral/mental health support for members if required, and back when I was also in the Chartered Institute of Logistics and Transport I think they did something similar. I don't think that any of those orgs would necessarily offer help to non-members"

Meanwhile... and this is maybe not what you will want to hear and may be miles off the mark...

Having been in a similar place, perhaps, once or twice as I've staggered towards decrepitude.  Setting an unrealistic bar to jump over when one is at rock bottom can be a way of avoiding the necessity of making an attempt.

maybe a few smaller goals that are achievable can work as steps along the way?

from personal experience these might be a blinking sight smaller than your husband really wants to admit to so go steady!

I haven’t any advice, but I’m glad you posted here. I’m hopeful you will get the right information that will lead to support for your husband.

I have a friend who is a transport planner at the other end of the country to you and works for himself.  I'll try asking them if they have any suggestions.  No promises but leave it with me - I'll get back in 3 days one way or another.

Best Wishes