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Meltdowns and depression

Xannah_M

Hey all.  I have been struggling more than usual lately.  I've always had issues with my mental health, had meltdowns and burnout episodes throughout my life. This was before I got my diagnosis, which I only finally got this year (I'm middle aged, for reference). I'm going through a rough time because of trying to push through at work, dealing with overwhelm, attempting to get accommodations now that I have my diagnosis, etc. I had a meltdown episode recently at work, and thankfully I was able to go into a room...away from people. However, I'm struggling. So exhausted. 

Having my diagnosis has been such an eyeopener for me and has answered so many questions. Unfortunately, it doesn't mean that life would become simpler, which I am sure most of us know well. 

Anyway, just thought I'd sure because, to be completely honest, people around me just "don't get it" or they unintentionally invalidate me. This fact makes my experiences even more isolating.

Parents

  • Yes, understood  

    What Dr Damian Milton calls the double empathy problem between neurodiverse and neurotypical might explain what you are experiencing.  By it's nature possibly come up with strategies for dealing with it.  However idealistically at the moment there is little shift in neurotypical empathy towards autistic people except that hard won by individuals and that's not easy to do for oneself when at rock bottom.  Maybe there is some sort of advocate you could get on your side to help...  I am at that point myself however they are hard to find and also it is hard to admit to oneself that despite society saying to you you're on your own in this just get on with it you might really need it.

    I would put this sort of acknowledgement in a third empathy bracket myself - that autistic people struggle to empathise with themselves because they have been living to unrealistic expectations of themself pre AND post diagnosis.

    Best wishes

  • in reply to Phased
    Phased said:
    idealistically at the moment there is little shift in neurotypical empathy towards autistic people

    The “empathy” I’ve come upon is one where NTs may know of traits of the ND and subconsciously invalidate them by saying “oh, I do that sometimes” or “I know so and so does that a little”. It tantamount to responding by saying “ oh, I have a tree too” when told we have a tree that may be a different type, in a different location, etc.

    I wish I could come up with an immediate response when I get that interaction, but because it takes time for me to respond to these things, I miss the mark.

  • in reply to Xannah_M
    Xannah_M said:
    NTs may know of traits of the ND and subconsciously invalidate them by saying “oh, I do that sometimes” or “I know so and so does that a little”.

    NT people make friends and strengthen bonds by their similarities to others in their groups. They reassure each other by pointing out similarities, as to them it's uncomfortable to feel "different.

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  • in reply to Xannah_M
    Xannah_M said:
    NTs may know of traits of the ND and subconsciously invalidate them by saying “oh, I do that sometimes” or “I know so and so does that a little”.

    NT people make friends and strengthen bonds by their similarities to others in their groups. They reassure each other by pointing out similarities, as to them it's uncomfortable to feel "different.

Children
  • in reply to Phased

    You have seen the flaw in my post - I realised after posting that we also affirm and reassure each other by sharing things we have in common.

    Thinking about that situation again, I think the difference is that when an NT person says "I do that sometimes" this affirms in their mind that the autistic person they are talking to is the same as them, so either they're thinking that they themselves are "a bit autistic" or they are thinking "I don't think this person I'm speaking to is actually autistic".i.e. They are trying to match identities.

    I can't speak for all autistic adults, but hearing that someone does something or feels the same way about something doesn't necessarily make me feel that they are "like me". For example, if someone says they sometimes get uncomfortable in crowds or that loud music annoys them I can empathise, but I don't immediately think "oh, they must be a bit autistic" or that they are like me.

  • in reply to Lotus

    Is this so different to ND people  ?