• Replies 20 replies
  • Subscribers 11 subscribers
  • Views 392 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Family making fun

Alien0n3arth

My family members still laugh at me, my autoagression, I had issues with as a kid and teenager. Sometimes I dream of switching my phone number without letting them know. But they know where I live. My mom interrupts me and corrects me whenever I have an opinion different than hers. My duty is always having the same opinion as her. Then she can say with a wide smile, that im exactly like her and we understand each other perfectly.  No, it's far from truth. My issue with her is also that I have no chance in any discussion becauseof the processing speed. I'm basically much slower than her. In fact it's only around maybe 10 years ago, that I realised that I can form my own opinion and also say it out loud, it's still challenging for me. I was blocked my entire childhood and youth. Now, whenever I say something that does not fit with my mom's opinion,  I'm being difficult,  or I'm basically wrong or sheis very much amazed, when the change in me occurred. I have no power and no idea how to deal with them. I also feel like I have no personality.  I'm sorry for thispost, if anyone knows how to deal, or has similar experience, can answer. I will be grateful. 

Parents

  • That sounds awful - I’m so sorry. A family should be a loving and supportive environment where people can express their thoughts and feelings without judgement- it’s simply wrong that your mother is treating you like this. It’s possible that due to her upbringing she knows no better - but that’s not an excuse. I had a narcissistic mother and a dad who totally enabled her narcissistic behaviour - and I was ‘bottom of the pile’ in our household as my mother favoured my brother to me by a mile. I wasn’t shown respect and my feelings and needs were often belittled and seen as not important. So I can relate a bit to your situation. I’m not sure how old you are - or if you still live with your mum? It’s very difficult if you still live with her as there is a power imbalance and it’s hard to get away.

    Fundamentally it’s an issue of you attempting to set boundaries. Also try to keep in mind that your mother has a dysfunctional mindset and most likely doesn’t have the capacity to mother you in a way that is appropriate and loving. She has ‘a problem’ - a lack of understanding and wisdom, and the ability to show love and be kind. She has deficits that mean she is failing you. So try to keep this in mind: she has got something wrong with HER - try not to absorb her view - try and maintain a sort of mental ‘shield’ to her toxic behaviour and attitude. If she’s unpleasant to you don’t engage - instead try to remove yourself from the situation if you can (either physically or emotionally - preferably both!).

    Some of us are unlucky enough to be born into families with a lot of toxicity. It’s often passed on from generation to generation. You can break the cycle - the fact that you’re talking about this on here shows you have the awareness to know that it’s wrong, and that you deserve better. Your opinions matter just as much as hers - don’t ever lose sight of that. I found reading about toxic parents and narcissistic parents very helpful - there a lot of stuff about this online so I would do a bit of research and learn more about it - the more we understand it the better we can be at not absorbing the toxic messaging that you are getting from your mother. You can rise above this and have more control and emotional distance from her by having a better understanding of why she behaves in this way. 
    Good luck - I know this is hard. It wasn’t until I was over 40 that I began to get a handle on my own parents weird behaviour and there horrible attitude to me. It’s never too late though. Now - over time - I’ve found peace about my relationship with my parents. They were incapable of being truly loving a supportive parents - they had their own psychological issues that prevented them from being better, and doing better. Ultimately now I realise that they missed out - because they could have had a happy loving relationship with their daughter - but they squandered that opportunity, I learnt what NOT to do as a parent from them - and when I had my own children I was determined to give them all the love and respect in the world - and I loved that they had their own opinions - I felt that was wonderful to see. I love hearing their opinions and having interesting conversations with them - I learn a lot from them and feel so blessed to see them develop their own personalities and opinions. My own parents lost out in not being able to enjoy that - so ultimately I feel quite sorry for them. 
    Know that you are not alone. A lot of people struggle in this way - but it is possible to ‘escape’ it - with research and consistent effort. I won’t lie though - I do live with some emotional scars from their parenting of me - but I also feel their are silver linings - it gave me a lot of empathy for people who experience things like cruelty or bullying, and I also thing it made me a better parent to realise how damaging an unkind word can be to a child. I broke the cycle and I feel very proud of that. I wish you well - don’t let her crush your spirit. 

  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    Thank you for your response, yes I agree with you.

Reply Children
No Data