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Family making fun

Alien0n3arth

My family members still laugh at me, my autoagression, I had issues with as a kid and teenager. Sometimes I dream of switching my phone number without letting them know. But they know where I live. My mom interrupts me and corrects me whenever I have an opinion different than hers. My duty is always having the same opinion as her. Then she can say with a wide smile, that im exactly like her and we understand each other perfectly.  No, it's far from truth. My issue with her is also that I have no chance in any discussion becauseof the processing speed. I'm basically much slower than her. In fact it's only around maybe 10 years ago, that I realised that I can form my own opinion and also say it out loud, it's still challenging for me. I was blocked my entire childhood and youth. Now, whenever I say something that does not fit with my mom's opinion,  I'm being difficult,  or I'm basically wrong or sheis very much amazed, when the change in me occurred. I have no power and no idea how to deal with them. I also feel like I have no personality.  I'm sorry for thispost, if anyone knows how to deal, or has similar experience, can answer. I will be grateful. 

Parents

  • I had a controlling mother too.

    We always had a difficult relationship due to me never really being a hugger and having issues with closeness and touch. It was an awkward relationship but workable.

    I left home at 16 and joined the military. I stayed there for 5 years. During that period our opinions and views diverged significantly.  When I left the military and returned home after 5 years our relationship deteriorated significantly. Due to me disagreeing with her views on things. She wanted to get me sectioned. 

    I left home a year or so later to go to university. Which eased tensions a little. I met my wife around this time and she's been supportive of me. I built a home, career and family with her help.

    My mother became ever more interfering and controlling and thought that she should be responsible for our kids. To the extent that she took my youngest daughter out of school without our permission and when i went to get her I was denied access to my daughter. My partner and I had to get the police involved to get our daughter back. 

    They have never acknowledged any fault for that and blamed me for getting the police onto them. I have never been able to forgive her for that or the rest of my family for taking her side. I'm now completely estranged with my family and have been for around 17 years. 

    I actually felt relieved when I cut contact and I have never had any regrets. There has never been any attempt to reconcile from their end and I can't unless they acknowledge they were wrong and apologise. 

    I had hoped that despite my relationship with my mother that we would have maintained a  relationship for the benefit of my kids, but it just wasn't doable. 

    I hope that my experience might help you and I hope that you manage to work things out with your family and that it doesn't go as badly as my experience went.

  • in reply to Kevmck

    Oh my god, I can't believe she actually kidnapped your daughter. That must have been so frightening, complete cut off is entirely the appropriate response, especially when they don't accept that as wrong. 

    I hope you are a lot happier for it anyway. It reminds me of a scary account I read ages ago on a local mums forum, saying their mother-in-law was trying to teach her grand kids to call her mummy instead. Everyone said cutting her off was the only option!

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  • in reply to Kevmck

    Oh my god, I can't believe she actually kidnapped your daughter. That must have been so frightening, complete cut off is entirely the appropriate response, especially when they don't accept that as wrong. 

    I hope you are a lot happier for it anyway. It reminds me of a scary account I read ages ago on a local mums forum, saying their mother-in-law was trying to teach her grand kids to call her mummy instead. Everyone said cutting her off was the only option!

Children
  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    I guess it's the old adage that you can choose your friends,  but not your family. 

    I'm happy with my family as it is today. It starts with me and my wife and encompasses our kids their partners and their kids and even the wife's mother and sister. 

    I must be a very rare exception as someone who gets on better with their mother-in-law than they do their own mother...

    Still that's life...