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Family making fun

Alien0n3arth

My family members still laugh at me, my autoagression, I had issues with as a kid and teenager. Sometimes I dream of switching my phone number without letting them know. But they know where I live. My mom interrupts me and corrects me whenever I have an opinion different than hers. My duty is always having the same opinion as her. Then she can say with a wide smile, that im exactly like her and we understand each other perfectly.  No, it's far from truth. My issue with her is also that I have no chance in any discussion becauseof the processing speed. I'm basically much slower than her. In fact it's only around maybe 10 years ago, that I realised that I can form my own opinion and also say it out loud, it's still challenging for me. I was blocked my entire childhood and youth. Now, whenever I say something that does not fit with my mom's opinion,  I'm being difficult,  or I'm basically wrong or sheis very much amazed, when the change in me occurred. I have no power and no idea how to deal with them. I also feel like I have no personality.  I'm sorry for thispost, if anyone knows how to deal, or has similar experience, can answer. I will be grateful. 

Parents

  • This sounds very much like my relationship with my mum.

    I would get lost when my mum was telling me something and I'd have to ask her to clarify things, then she would say "are you thick". She would say I was gormless. Having an opinion that wasn't hers didn't work either. It's sad but I've come to the realization that she has strong narcissistic tendencies. 

    Its tough, I thought this was acceptable/normal behavior. I've had my eyes opened through therapy. 

    I have tried to push back and give my own opinion on things but it causes arguments. I have also tried to stand up to the hurtful things mum says to me but she just says I'm too sensitive.

    I have had to reduce my contact, which has been difficult, but I'm getting better because I'm not dealing with the emotional upset and the put downs.

    You're family should love and support you, not tear you down and make you feel less than.

    Only you know how much you are getting from your family. If the bad outweighs the good it might be worth having a short time out away from them (in some form) It may help to tell them why you need a break too. 

    I wish you well and hopefully you're family will start to hear you.

  • in reply to Lonehare12

    Thank you, I can see our stories here quite similar.  I'm sorry you have such problems with your mom too.

    I think my mom is pretty narcissistic too,  she cares so much about how others see her, she took a role of an angel, who helps and comforts everyone around, but she was never for me. I hear her "but you are fine, stop exaggerating" and it's very invalidating. Then I hear her monologues about someone else who has this or that bad situation and I should be happy that I don't have it. The thing is: her opinion or her state of knowledge = absolute truth.

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  • in reply to Lonehare12

    Thank you, I can see our stories here quite similar.  I'm sorry you have such problems with your mom too.

    I think my mom is pretty narcissistic too,  she cares so much about how others see her, she took a role of an angel, who helps and comforts everyone around, but she was never for me. I hear her "but you are fine, stop exaggerating" and it's very invalidating. Then I hear her monologues about someone else who has this or that bad situation and I should be happy that I don't have it. The thing is: her opinion or her state of knowledge = absolute truth.

Children
  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    Yup very familiar. It is almost like they can't be wrong.

    The thing that I'm discovering is that I am so much more than my family had me believe I was.

    I have traveled on my own recently to N Ireland on a plane and then hired a car. When I got back I was so proud of myself, but when I visited my mum she told me I was selfish. It's like she drained the last bit of feel good I had left. 

    All I wanted was for her to see me and be proud of me. I guess it's the same with your mum she doesn't see you and what you're going through and that hurts.

    I get angry and frustrated sometimes about how things are but it has nowhere to go. My mum is never going to change. Now I look after my own sanity and only have phone contact occasionally.

    I feel your pain.

    Keep reaching out!!

    Have a good day today  

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