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Family making fun

Alien0n3arth

My family members still laugh at me, my autoagression, I had issues with as a kid and teenager. Sometimes I dream of switching my phone number without letting them know. But they know where I live. My mom interrupts me and corrects me whenever I have an opinion different than hers. My duty is always having the same opinion as her. Then she can say with a wide smile, that im exactly like her and we understand each other perfectly.  No, it's far from truth. My issue with her is also that I have no chance in any discussion becauseof the processing speed. I'm basically much slower than her. In fact it's only around maybe 10 years ago, that I realised that I can form my own opinion and also say it out loud, it's still challenging for me. I was blocked my entire childhood and youth. Now, whenever I say something that does not fit with my mom's opinion,  I'm being difficult,  or I'm basically wrong or sheis very much amazed, when the change in me occurred. I have no power and no idea how to deal with them. I also feel like I have no personality.  I'm sorry for thispost, if anyone knows how to deal, or has similar experience, can answer. I will be grateful. 

Parents

  • Don't be sorry for the post, I understand how you feel. It's horrid to feel that you can't say what you think, or you have to agree with everything just to keep the peace and not be seen as "difficult" .

    I spent over 30 years in a similar situation with my mother. Then I went through a very bad period in my life and got upset during a phone conversation and said something which upset her, and she put the phone down. We never spoke to each other afterwards. I had a period of grieving and then once I got over that my life became easier and happier.

    This may not be what you want to do, but I'm afraid I don't know how to handle it any other way - when someone is overbearing and controlling, I don't know any way to convince them that they're not always right. Although perhaps if you said that you don't want to see her any more she might change, I don't know. And I know that it would be really difficult for you to do. Perhaps write her a letter?

    There are some people who will judge others for not having contact with a parent, but it's my belief that we're not always born into our true family, sometimes we have to find them. I hope that someone here will be able to give you some helpful advice, and that you feel supported by your "family" in this community.

  • in reply to Lotus

    Thank you, I find your answer helpful. I will not break the contact with my family fir two reasons - I have really only very few people in my life, second and very important- my daughter loves her granny and she would miss her, my mom would miss my daughter too, I don't want to involve my child in all this, third reason - it's not that we are really dependent on my mom, but she helps. She used to neglect me a lot in my youth and it left some trace on me generally,  but there were some events that maybe made her rethink a bit.

    I'm not sure if and how much she is aware of being controlling, I think it's related to her ego. I kind of have an answer prepared,  if she starts talking about my mental health again. I would remind her, that she neglected me and that's why she is not eligible for any medical information from me. I feel that we gonna have such a conversation in tge future and I wanna be prepared for the moment. 

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  • in reply to Lotus

    Thank you, I find your answer helpful. I will not break the contact with my family fir two reasons - I have really only very few people in my life, second and very important- my daughter loves her granny and she would miss her, my mom would miss my daughter too, I don't want to involve my child in all this, third reason - it's not that we are really dependent on my mom, but she helps. She used to neglect me a lot in my youth and it left some trace on me generally,  but there were some events that maybe made her rethink a bit.

    I'm not sure if and how much she is aware of being controlling, I think it's related to her ego. I kind of have an answer prepared,  if she starts talking about my mental health again. I would remind her, that she neglected me and that's why she is not eligible for any medical information from me. I feel that we gonna have such a conversation in tge future and I wanna be prepared for the moment. 

Children