I can't focus

 Stuart333 This is a really nice thing you have said and truly all I would have want to say.

Every single person has no idea what their future is, but we need to stay POSITIVE

NAS71232 said:

I don't know what my future is.

Almost no-one does. I never thought I'd do the things I have. Things change and you can't predict it all. It's a journey .

All you can do is hope to recognise an opportunity when you see it, then have the courage to act on it and see where it goes.

There are many paths through life, some are nicer than others, but looking for the perfect one may mean you don't start.

Make the path you are on as good as it can be while you wait for the next junction to come. 

Also note that you don't know what other people's paths are really like. They may look good from a distance, but for many it is all an act. Most people would swap paths if they could.

So just concentrate on yours and take time to notice and appreciate even little things. A bird singing, the sun beans between clouds, the moon shining down, the frost on a cobweb, a nice cup of tea.

Thanks Iain,

I'm positive that I have sustained several brain injuries on top of everything undiagnosed. I'll push to make my GP understand.

NAS71232 said:

My condition is worsening over time. I have amnesia. I haven't mentioned this to my GP yet.

Deffo get it mentioned and on your medical record - with major head trauma this is a symptom that should raise red flags and your GP should get it checked out with something like a CT scan to be safe.

As for seeing a psychologist, I don't think the NHS offer much that suits autists but I would still ask - there have been moves recently to extend support so there may be something more they can offer.

Good luck.

Some things I can focus on really good. Like a movie I recently watched. I make a threads about them on Reddit.

Then I see a movie that I don't recognise like Magazine Dreams. I did'nt know that it existed. Half way through, I vaguely remember the scene at the restaurant, but I don't remember anything else. I asked ChatGPT when it was released and it said 2023. That's 2 years old.

Maybe I haven't seen it and the deja vu is all in my head. In the back of my head, I remember watching it, but have no recollection.

That's nice Cinnabar_wing.

I hope you have a nice Christmas.

I am glad you are here just now though.

My daughter likes to collect the flowers in spring that have broken stems.  We bring them home and put them in water, as they are still beautiful. The ones outside last longer, but the one we saved is special with the time we have.

I think my alcoholic manager knew I had austism at that pub job. She used to attack me when she was on her period. She even cooked me a mixed grill once to say sorry when she really tore into me. She took all of my tips. It was bad. She called me a weirdo and was very abusive. She knew I didn't have a bad bone in my body.

It was the last job I worked at that really sent me off the edge. Now I'm on meds. I've never experienced racism like that before on a daily basis out of the blue. It just came out of nowhere from everyone that was supposed to be supervising me. My supervisor would drop a racist comment under his breath before asking me to do a task. They hated me.

It's my fault. I shouldn't have been there. That's what I'm saying. I shouldn't have survived that attack. It's just downhill from here.

Thank you Iain,

I appreciate your reply. Maybe I should ask my GP if I could see a psychologist?

My condition is worsening over time. I have amnesia. I haven't mentioned this to my GP yet. I'm a really nice guy. Before this condition got worse, I worked in a pub. They called me the gentle giant.

NAS71232 said:

I should be dead

But you lived. You are clearly intelligent and articulate as you are writing well structured posts and talking about things that are important to you.

This is a good base to start from - it is far from ideal but you have something to work with.

If you have the will then we can help you with a way to pull yourself up and use your potential.

That is if you want - you will find support and encouragement in this community if you want it.

Thank you. I wish the adult that tried to kill me when I was a kid finished the job, but someone intervened way too late.The damage was done. I'm surprised I'm still here posting.

I should be dead. Now he has left me like this for nothing. He tried to kill another kid in the park a week before and that kid now has a permanent speech impairment. That's what the police told us a week after when they questioned us. 

The man double foot stamped on childrens heads and no one dared to stop him. Over and over. I'm cooked. I can't have a girlfriend or any friends at all. 

And then there is the autisum and ADHD. That's not good.   

NAS71232 said:

I don't understand autism and I really should try to study it.

This book may help as it is written in a way to easily dip in and out of so should work with your ADHD and short focus length.

Autism For Dummies (2025) - ISBN 9781394301003 (paberback); ISBN 9781394301027 (ebook)

NAS71232 said:

I don't know what my future is

It will respond a great deal to the work you put in to develop yourself. You may find that speaking to your GP about your issues of focus could mean you find medication that can help a lot with this, or you may find some form of meditation helps you develop stronger mental discipline to combat the ADHD.

Taking control as much as we realistically can is the way I have seem people improve their options. It is a lot of hard work but without it nothing is likely to do it for you.

Starting things like studying your autism and ADHD now should help. Work out how to make space for yourself and the time to do this in blocks of maybe half an hour several times a day and before you know it you will have read the whole book and will be ready to research more specific topics that are relevant to you.

I get the desire to have your own place but don't wait - we are all too prone to procrastinate about difficult things so break those shackles and start as soon as you are able.

NAS71232 said:

I have to prove read my posts on forums many times before submitting. 

This is just a lack of confidence - keep at it and over time you will get over this from repeated application of your writing skills.

I would recommend keeping a journal of your progress so you can look back when plagued by self doubt and see how much you have done, how much you have learned and the positive changes you have made to your life. It is a powerful motivator.