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Feeling overwhelmed when reaching out, does anyone else experience this?

Lonehare12

I wanted to ask about something I noticed recently about myself.

When I tried to PM someone to thank them for their efforts supporting people here, I felt a really awful, physical feeling in my body, almost dread. I think it might be related to RSD or sensitivity around showing vulnerability.

It felt like because of all the unknowns around it, the uncertainty of it all, I nearly talked myself out of it.

Is this because of my AUDHD or are NT people like this too.

I wonder if others experience something similar?

How do you manage it, and does it help to try small steps, like sending a message or accepting compliments?

Parents

  • It's fear of the unknown. In the real world you can see people, you can watch them and maybe guess if it will be well received.

    Online you don't really know people. You can get an idea from their writing, but people can also adopt online personas and mask there too.

    So sending a message is hard.

    Part of it may be because you think the worst. But this is unlikely. You can help yourself by also trying to think of the best case, or even a middle case.

    It gets easier with practice. This is the only cure, to train your brain that it is not scary really. Each time it works it weakens the fear. Most people are reasonable. And if the odd person isn't it is unlikely to be your fault if you are thoughtful.

    It does get easier :)

  • in reply to Stuart333

    I do always think the worst that is true.

    Maybe I could aim for the middle case, that might be achievable.

    Part of me wants connection and the other thinks it's better to keep a distance.

    I know I'm overthinking things.

  • in reply to Lonehare12

    That's good. Listen to the part that wants connection. That's the real you.

    It's the protective bit that is trying to cut you off. It is doing its job and protecting you, but it is overactive. It takes colour from the world. You're safe but hidden behind walls.

    If you build them too high eventually even the sun doesn't get in. This is quite a hollow life. At least have some windows. 

    This doesn't mean you have to talk to everyone, it means you should be able to talk when you would like to. Use the windows, don't hide.

  • in reply to Lonehare12

    I realised I think in images, it makes writing easy. But also means I remember a lot of things in detail.

    If I can think of a picture to describe something I can remember it easily. If it's a good picture it helps to see problems and solutions.

    Like if you build walls too high and cut yourself off, it is like living I the bottom of a well, safe but dark, lonely and trapped.

    You need some walls to keep you safe, which is what boundaries are, to stop people running all over your garden.

  • in reply to Stuart333

    Okay, I'm going to try.

    There is lots of imagery in what you've written, I like that. I can retain the image and refer back to it and use it.

    Thank you.

    (⁠ʘ⁠ᴗ⁠ʘ⁠✿⁠)

Reply Children
  • in reply to Lonehare12

    I realised I think in images, it makes writing easy. But also means I remember a lot of things in detail.

    If I can think of a picture to describe something I can remember it easily. If it's a good picture it helps to see problems and solutions.

    Like if you build walls too high and cut yourself off, it is like living I the bottom of a well, safe but dark, lonely and trapped.

    You need some walls to keep you safe, which is what boundaries are, to stop people running all over your garden.