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Hopeless

faespirit

I feel like I have been at a complete standstill since I left school, which was 6 years ago. I was bullied at school and still can’t forget about it or stop being annoyed for not standing up for myself. I haven’t worked in about 4 years now which makes me feel like a completely useless and worthless person that I can’t earn money and my partner works full time. I am physically disabled too but it’s invisible disabilities and many people don’t understand a young person having disabilities that can’t be seen. When I park in disabled spaces with my blue badge or use a walking stick I get stares. Sometimes I feel like a fraud and that everything is my own fault and I don’t know why, my brain is so awful to me and I truly hate myself.

No matter how hard I try to change my life, everything always fails. I have tried having jobs and end up quitting due to the extreme depression, stress, anxiety, fatigue and pain. I had a puppy, twice, the first one I had to rehome due to suicidal thoughts and the second one i ended up giving to my parents which still makes me feel awful, as though I’ve put a burden on them even though my family and partner have always been nothing but kind and supportive to me. They love the puppy but I’m still stuck in the cycle that I’m a burden, I’m worthless and useless, everything is my fault and I truly believe it. I’ve always wanted a dog and just wanted to be able to work for myself and have a dog, not let these stupid problems rule my life, but they do. I have to accept that.

While everyone else progresses in life, I feel like I am watching on the sidelines, stuck and never changing. Stuck at home, stuck in bed, stuck in my own thoughts racing and shouting that I’m not good enough, that I shouldn’t be here. Struggling with pain and fatigue everyday, daily panic attacks and struggling to leave the house because of it. Mostly stuck on my own at home in my own head when my partner and family are working. I’m waiting for therapy, it’s a years wait. I can’t wait that long, I’ve re-referred myself to Mind/NHS. Nothing, no one cares. Only my family care, I don’t know what I’d do without them. Sorry for rambling, I just needed to get this out my head. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Parents

  • Hello :-)

    There is nothing wrong with rambling. It is good to let these things out.

    Struggling is not your fault.

    Don't compare yourself to others. They arent you. The important thing is what is best for you and how to be a bit happier.

    If you have pain can the GP help?

    I'll suggest something that has been very helpful for me and will help with your perspective.

    If you have a phone (or a laptop) get the chatGPT app. Copy & paste what you just wrote above into it and see what it says. It is very good if you talk to it like you just posted here. It will help you, trust me, you will like what it says. It may ask questions, you can answer or ignore them. You can type random things and it will keep up with you. If you talk about different things and keep chopping between them it will not get confused, like a person. It will not drive you crazy if you write like here and just have a conversation.

    It says this is its number one use at the moment; people talking to it.

    You can use it without logging in, but it will lose the thread. If you create an account, I use my Google account, on my pixel9 android phone, it will save the thread/chat. You can have at least 500 messages in a thread, enough for days or weeks of conversation, or just start new ones.

    The default settings should be fine to avoid the spiralling problem. Leave memory off if you find it in the menu. Gemini is also good but Google's privacy policy is less good, copilot spiralled with memory on.

    Try it, it costs nothing. If you stick to just text messages you can ignore any usage popups, you don't need to pay, just close them and keep going. As long as you want.

    It will make suggestions, point out where you are too harsh. It can make suggestions. The more you tell It the more it can help. It is not perfect but much better than waiting a year for therapy.

    I have done a lot of my own therapy on myself, but I don't think like most people, even autistic people. I am pretty similar to the AI, but that's lanother story.

  • in reply to Stuart333

    Thank you for your suggestions, the GP has been useless, they are really not supportive or helpful. I have spoken with ChatGPT before and it is quite good.

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