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Advice

Ava

Hi I’m autistic but undiagnosed. I need someone who understands as I was bullied and grew up in a bad area and I have watched others to the point that I don’t show any autism at all because I was bullied and learned to copy but I didn’t know I was copying but I didn’t want bullied so I would repeat what others said and behave like others to avoid bullying and it’s become my behaviour but unfortunately it means that people don’t understand I’m autistic and I didn’t know I was either but I am. 
IM 100% autistic but there’s nothing I can do as I went for an assessment and didn’t get diagnosed. I get burnout and analysed everything to get things right but ambiguous communication and idioms and social cues and norms etc have caused significant damage as I’ve misunderstood people and they have misunderstood me. I catastrophise etc.

living nightmare 

anyone understand?

Parents
  • Ava said:
    I would repeat what others said and behave like others to avoid bullying and it’s become my behaviour

    I think you now realise that this means the abused (you) had become the abuser and with this awareness comes a responsibility to either change to be better or continue knowing you are being evil.

    What is done is done and cannot be changed. You can do something about the future, including apologising to those you bullied if this is an option.

    It sounds like you know what the bullying behaviours are so you know to stop them. Autism cannot be used as an excuse now to continue.

    While you have come from a bad situation you have the power to make it better, both for yourself and for others so find the positive there.

    I think you can forgive yourself for the past deeds but not forget them. Learn and improve from them and use your hyperfocus on doing this - it should change the whole way you feel about the situation once you can see your efforts making things better, maybe stopping others from being bullied in the same way and also regaining control of your life.

    That would be my take - learn, impove and live better.

Reply
  • Ava said:
    I would repeat what others said and behave like others to avoid bullying and it’s become my behaviour

    I think you now realise that this means the abused (you) had become the abuser and with this awareness comes a responsibility to either change to be better or continue knowing you are being evil.

    What is done is done and cannot be changed. You can do something about the future, including apologising to those you bullied if this is an option.

    It sounds like you know what the bullying behaviours are so you know to stop them. Autism cannot be used as an excuse now to continue.

    While you have come from a bad situation you have the power to make it better, both for yourself and for others so find the positive there.

    I think you can forgive yourself for the past deeds but not forget them. Learn and improve from them and use your hyperfocus on doing this - it should change the whole way you feel about the situation once you can see your efforts making things better, maybe stopping others from being bullied in the same way and also regaining control of your life.

    That would be my take - learn, impove and live better.

Children