Hello, I'm 31 and was diagnosed with autism at the start of this year. I have had autistic burnout for over a year now, and still really struggling with feeling alone and misunderstood. My mum was the only family member I was somewhat close to but I'm feeling so disconnected to her and everyone. Every time I see my Mum I have a shut down and they seem to be getting worse and worse. My mum is kind and I know that she wants to help me, but she isn't consistent, and she just can't seem to get a real understanding of what my experience of life is. There was also a situation last year where I asked for her help in a social situation and she ignored it and then became defensive. I unmask the most with my Mum, so I think I'm always looking for her to be my 'safe' person. But she is so so different to me and I feel nothing I say is heard.
I have tried writing a letter to explain to my Mum what I'm struggling with and how I feel, but her response was quite generic and a bit dismissive. It feels unbearable to consistently be trying to be understood and never getting anywhere. I usually feel even worse after speaking - probably why my brain is shutting down in front of her. I don't know what to do with this relationship. I have been told by a therapist to maybe take a step back from her, but that doesn't feel possible either. I don't have any other family member or friend to go to instead. I also get this really terrible feeling that something awful is going to happen to her if I don't maintain the relationship, but I fear the relationship can only be on her terms.
I wonder what other autistics do when they don't have a 'safe' or close person? It feels like the end of the world as is really affecting my mental health.
